Step Outside The Misery- For Once You Feel Alive

Maybe it was dissatisfaction that the way I planned the night out to be, didn't happen? Maybe it was the margaritas (all TWO of them....idiot) and random sips from cups unknown?
Sitting here, I don't know what came over my seemingly rational mind and said,

"let him in your car"

I was alone. Walking out to the parking lot in the dark. Alone. And it's just my luck that some random dude would be sitting on my car at almost 2am...? I can't even look myself in the eyes when I say how truly thankful and lucky I am. I cannot look myself in the eyes because I think of what could have happened, of what kind of person that guy could have been. I know why he was there and what he wanted from a ride home. I could smell it on his breath when he leaned in close to "look at my beautiful eyes", and when he asked me to come inside.

And girls get into trouble. So much trouble. If there was a big enough void in my heart and I was depressed and drunk enough to acknowledge it, I could have walked straight into that house and picked his room by instinct. Without small talk, or anything. But I'm not that girl. I fit the image of a drunk girl with something missing in her life. But I'm not foolish enough to set myself even lower to the ground than I might think I already am. I let them charm me with their words but when it came down to his lips on my cheecks I couldn't have been more disgusted with myself. I couldn't have felt more foolish.

Why me?! I was thinking, why did it have to be me? And then I heard it. As if he knew I was thinking it and needed some justification for his presence.

"Do you always dress like that?"

Every other girl in American dresses with boobs falling out of lacy tops and the first time I do- some guy tries to pick me up. I mean, I get guys without all that but I just wanted to look different. I'm always conservative and pretty much covered. I have these amazing boobs that never see the sunlight and so I thought I'd take them out with me for the night. Bad idea I guess.

There was something different in the air after he said that. I didn't say anything at first because I was so baffled and taken back. How could he honestly try to pick me up and then call me a slut?

"I take it you don't have a boyfriend, otherwise I wouldn't be in this car right now"

Everything that came out of his mouth was revolting. I couldn't believe it, here I was thinking I could do someone a favor or driving a drunk ass home- and he was assuming who I was. As wasted as he was, I was pissed and let him know that this "nice" car he complimented was my mother's, and these beautiful eyes he was looking into, have only seen the world for 16 years. I said I was a cheerleader at a highschool here in Jacksonville and how did it feel to know that he asked a girl 10 years younger than him to fuck?

Well I will tell you what, he seemed more sober after that. And what still amazed me is that he proceeded to ask me inside. Even after I said I was 16. He didn't stop trying to kiss me and I don't understand how he didn't stop because I would be awfully EMBARASSED if I tried kissing a dude and I got a hand shoved in my face that pushed me away. I'd get the hint.

Karma is a bitch because nobody makes me feel like shit and gets away with it. I hope that dent in his wallet doesn't mean too much.

*to those who truly cared and were worried and upset with me last night- my deepest apologies. ive learned my lesson. BUT IM TAKIN YOU OUT TO DINNER NOW!!!!! MY TREAT SUCKA!!!
actually woke up and went to class today...woop woop....A- on my core paper....woop woop....excellent job on my quiz...working tonight....busy day tomorrow....7:45am till 10ish tomorrow night...NON STOP...life is good...wished i had someone to really take out to dinner...lol...hey did you know that the spanish american war was between SPAIN AND AMERICA not mexico? weird, i totally guessed mexico cause they speak spanish ya know...?