I knew, You'd Love Me As Long As You Wanted- And Then Someday You'd Leave Me For Somebody New....

I haven't heard from him since...Monday? Yes that's right,he called me on Monday night. It was a short conversation, very dull very bland,

J: "Do You still hate me?"
Me: "Why yes! Not much has changed in twenty-four hours! Do not hate me?"
J: "No, I do..."

Silence- [why the hell would I say anything?]
More silence....

J: "Hows life?"
Me: "Swell, I'd ask about yours but I'm not gonna lie to you anymore- that question hasn't entered my mind once since our conversation."
J: "You know I thought I could talk to you but I guess I can't..."
Me: "Oh but you should have known that you couldn't talk to someone as fat as me, right?"
J: "That's all that is left after the inner beauty is gone..."

CLICK!

Don't call me with sencerity then when I'm not the girl I was before, be a jerk agian. I don't know who he thinks he is calling me all those 5th grade insults and then trying to act like nothing happened. I'm glad he hasn't called me back. I don't ever want to see that 813 number show up on my phone ever agian. When I see that number all I feel is anxiety in my heart. That and maybe a few good nights of sex.

That's all Jer was to me after awhile though. Good sex. Unlike him, it never took a part of my heart to be with him in that manner. I can remember the pain in his eyes and concern in his voice when he asked why I called it "Sex". To him it wasn't sex at all. "We" weren't just having a moment that could serve a purpose and then that was it....it was making love. Maybe that's where the confusion and anxiety derived from. I don't know what love is.



Hey!!...DOCTOR!...jk...i wish i wasnt thinking about, well you know...that....but i am...its everywhere...in my room...anyways...hey, havent seen my friend this month...wtf...cant stress cause that makes it all worse...ill never get it if i worry...i think im ok...?...have a book to read tonight...my excuse to not go out...i do want to, and i dont...maybe ill let the dust settle a little bit...i know its no big deal...i just dont want to be around it tonight...i hate jer...ugh i hate him so much....im such an idiot...wokring tonight...id love to close for danielle but i have a little test tomorrow and i havent read the book...im an idiot...goin to Gville this weekend...dinner with jeff and the fam...lunch with mom and switching cars...might go to newberry backyard BBQ...haha...jer told me i couldnt go there with anyone cause it was our place...SORRY...