Your The Only One Who Really Knew Me At All....

Yesterday when we finally spoke I said I was fine! That there was no need to stress about upsetting an individual that wasn't even there. Sounds like I'm pushing myself down, but truthfully what do I matter. Not trying to sound problematic anymore,but I just don't see the relevance in worrying over me.

Well I guess it was weird when I was speaking because we both knew what I was saying. And it hurt to hear him speak as well. I contradicted everything I pleaded for and I'm sure it makes him wonder how honest I was being in the past. But hey, I wasn't lying, but now I just want to do for me. It was hard to hear his dissatisfaction at the way our relationship stands now. I was perfectly fine with being an object of desire...I guess. I'm not going to deny that it hurt sometimes wondering if we could actually sit and watch a movie, and that be the end of it. But in order to successfully finish anything we first had to...yeah you get the idea.
And I was fine with that, I wasn't in love with him, it didn't take a part out of my heart when we kissed. (I know that's even more of a reason agianst it)

But the truth of the matter is, my heart goes out for an unfortunate being like himself. It's just one thing after the other with him. He'll be in GA for awhile, most likely won't be able to finish out the semester, and go through a series of doctor trips and meds.

I knew in my heart something wasn't right. I could see it in my dreams, I could feel it in my stomach every time I checked my phone to find zero missed calls. I knew that there was something behind it. Gives me this weird feeling though, to feel so intuitive with Jer. But I knew in my heart that there was something so wrong. I could feel it rushing through me as I was calling every "Parker" in Gainesville to find his dad, and calling all of the Gyms in the Brandon area to find his work...

I knew I was right too...

angies subs today...class....work....woo hoo....did staduims last night!...bought clothes at AF that I shouldn't have...I swear I'm done...i swear...working tonight at carrabbas at 5...someone from a long time ago is coming into town....WEIRD....i cant really remember our experiences together, but I think they were okay....weird, but okay...it was better when we weren't speaking....and couldnt see eachother due to a dark bedroom....oh gosh....i dont know if this is a good idea...