Oh The Regrets I Have...

Frightened the shit out of my poor roommate Danielle last night. Tisk tisk...I woke up in a state of terror from the unknown.

We worry about a test grade, and we worry how we are going to get the weekend off of work to party...but this isn't like that.

Saturday I was selfish. Shocked that someone could actually ditch me on a Saturday night. Sunday afternoon I was curious while expecting to maybe get a call. I planned out every chastizing word into a huge speech that ought to make him feel so low. And Sunday evening I wondered. Wondered why this had never happened before, why when we planned to speak and meet, we didn't.

I'd like to believe that Jeremy isn't like that. That something happened to justify these awful feelings I have. And at the same time I hope he is being a jerk because I don't know what I would do if something happened to him that night after he left my house.
Funny how fear makes you think, think really hard about what you should have said or how you ought to have behaved.

I wish when he left I wasn't bitter about his departure. I wish when I called him back that night instead of saying mindless words and wasteful conversation I would have told him how much he means to me and describe the chaos my life would consists of if he wasn't in it.

I've wracked my brain over this and Monday is almost over without an answer as to why or what. I hate to sound dramatic and that there is a perfectly good reason as to why he isn't answering my calls...but what is it!? Even if Jeremy hated my guts he would send my calls straight to voicemail so that I knew he was ignoring me (yes...i'm speaking from much experience).

If I keep worrying like this I'll go insane. I'm tempted to look up his ex GF's number...yeah that's how desperate I am to know if everything is ok. If I haven't heard from him by wednesday I'll try to call her. Let's hope it doesnt get to that point.

working at abercrombie tonight till 9.....busy day....still have to finish my volunteer hours...figure out my apartment situation next year...i cant wait to have a stove and oven....i cant wait til the summer....t minus one month!!!