Stumbling I Fall Away- It's Hard To Make A Change...

Waking up from a sleep like that is rough. I half expect something to change from the time we went to sleep at the ludacrous hours of the night. I always doze of with false hope in the back of my mind though not too evident due to exhaustion.

The light or something in me saying my eyes haven't seen the world for too long, wakes me up and subconsciously I'm thinking about looking at the clock. But the clock, where the hell is it? We keep it on top of my desk-

Oh wait. I found it, and it's not on our desk this morning. He keeps it over there by his closest. My eyebrows turn towards eachother in discontent and I cover my face with my hands and roll over into the fetal position. Emotional sighs seep between my fingertips and from between the cracks I can see... and it's similar mornings like these that I feel like I have really lived and felt beyond what others do.

Moving and breathing should be kept to a bare minimum. Because each person is different, and you can't tell a light sleeper from a heavy one. I'd rather just not chance it. The last thing I want is our eyes catch glance of each others. There isn't much there. Maybe a hint of "good morning" but I'd never say it. Fumbling around in the morning is silent, maybe small talk as we sort through clothes and blankets tainted with insignificant lust.

Sometimes they kiss you goodbye, other times I don't let them have the chance. I'd rather not stand in front of my open car door and wait for something that isn't there. So I wave with a smile and wait till he goes back inside or drives away, then sit there for a second. I don't listen to music much on the drive back. Maybe something with symbolic lyrics, but I like to reflect. Verses like these are running through my head and it's then that I know these experiences at least serve one good purpose. I go straight to the shower. In my foolish mind I'm magically running a bar of soap down my body and his taste is gone. In my mind I'm taking it off my body, therefore my memory. But putting myself back together for the day, I'm naked in front of the mirror and all those experiences are the first thing I see.

Maybe I just need better soap?


long night...good night...fun night....nothing to complain about...class this morning was painful...about to run some errands....class tonight...THEN IM SLEEPING!!!! I CANT WAIT!!!! school is almost out....haha sucka.