Oh God It's Raining, But I'm Not Complaining...

He grabs the side of my cheeck which pauses the kisses I'm slowly leaving down his chest. I take my time and look up with questions in my eyes as to why I was stopped.

His face looks sencere and concerned when he finally asks, "If you had it your way, what would this be to you?"

Wonderful, I think. There is either a right or wrong answer. If it's emotionally meaningful, to him I'm getting attatched. And if I'm growing too close then he might stop what little relationship we have. If I say I don't know or something along those dismissing lines, I'm using him and agian, I'll be left alone.

To me, our hearts would beat to the same tune that we hummed while walking hand in hand down the beach. And that way,our love making would be a declaration of something greater than ourselves.

But I look away from his glare as I realize I don't even know his favorite song. Nor do we touch eachother unless united by this bed or sheets. I understand the insignificance of my existence to him, so I take the initiative to avoid disapointment,

and take a mouthful instead. He'll soon forget that he even spoke to me.

true story...it's intense...i know..."im sorry, im a friend!"...."i appreciate your honesty! but it still hurts!"...a little will ferril in there to lighten up the mood....its quite an interesting concept though....agreed?...i wouldnt necessarily take a mouthful, but it seems so raw....that im sure many women do....someone out there can testify to this feeling....it must be happening right this second to someone around the world...and im their saving grace if and when they find it.....i can be the emotion behind it...

school is gay...this i know for sure....almost home....2 weeks....SUCKING AT LIFE LATELY....feeling like the joke they always call me....but whatever....relish today remorse tomorrow....swell