Walking Past The Lonely Ones With Eyes As Cold As Stone

I hope when I open my phone to answer, it is never agian his voice on the end. That's really all I can say. Suprisingly there aren't any words descriptive enough to fully capture the hate I hold for him. Well I suppose that's not entirely suprising, considering there aren't many words to best describe the discomfort an eyelash caught in your eye can be. It's so annoying, that even I can't explain how to depict such a narrative. I could never make the reader drop my story and feel like they wished they had no eyelashes, just because that's how horrible it is...You can't even see.

Amazingly, I'm nonchalant. I'm laying here with this face like you wouldn't believe. If you heard the things he said to me, you'd call me crazy for not burning the phone that simply received his calls. But I'm just sitting back and glancing out the window occasionally at the geese chasing each other in the lake below my hall. As they skid across the water after one another,I smile lightly, but without much feeling. Looks like play, but not even society's top scientists can get into their mind and figure out if their actions are inflicted by anger.

Our voices were cordial. I anwered every call after he hung up on me with the sweetest of Hello's. And judging from the outside, we were simply speaking as friends. But they can't see inside our raging minds set ablaze by mindless insults and maybe even hints of truth. Just like the geese perhaps.

I wonder how long before I finally break down out of discontent and remorse? This time it might be okay to let myself go behind closed doors, because he expects me not to. My tone was incredibly careless and frank, not an emotional one that threatens sadness. He said he knows my heartless character all too well and the second our call has ended- I'll go back to being me agian without a peice of my hearted chipped off. Maybe he's right. I will probably go running tonight and forget for that time that I even spoke to him.

But I'll shower off this front I'm putting up after I jog, and it's then that I give him what he didn't even know I had in me. THOUGHT.

next thing...that's boring....

I don't know how to explain the emotion that came over me last night. I guess it was derived from pain and then a sense that the night was most likely lacking thought. I suppose I felt significantly less of myself for not being able to stand up to lust. This is why we leave him behind in a memory of that one night instead of taking him with us in our future days to come. Stupid girl.

I enjoy his company though. Makes me laugh. Who can make me laugh? (Besides D & H?) Exactly.

Still hard though. Snap out of it Sarah, you do not cry.



went to the beach today...nice day...dinner with beth and all of carrabbas...got made fun of for feeding scraps...stressing out...over school...wishing sometimes i had no friends...no life...and i could be so smart...but thats lonely...weekend was long...had a good time for the most part...this is getting old though...im ready for something more...something more meaningful...i guess that comes later...how gay...jer called me fat...im not thin...but when he wanted to marry me i was no skinnier than i am now...hes just mad...right?...am i as unattractive as he says?...danielle says no...i rarely believe him anymore...he doesnt believe me either...silly to have a false friendship...stupid girl...dont know what ill do with math...or core....I HATE THIS.....ive been secretly falling apart from this stupid UNF shit...id be so perfect without it...im done....over and out...