Climb Inside The Emptiness It's Safe When Your Alone...

We were CoDependent lovers.

The first night he met me he fell in love. No doubt in my mind because the day after he did everything he could when he assumed I had given him the wrong number. Lunch that day probably sealed the deal. Because the next weekend he drove from his home in St. Augustine to Clearwater to spend time with me, and while I was taking the SATs, he was apartment hunting to move closer to me. I didn't think it was odd even though the night before I had told him I wasn't that interested.

We Were CoDependent Lovers.

We weren't together, or even dating. But he gave me his class ring [which I later lost] and sent me flowers while I was away in Washington state. He got heartbroken too when I had slept with someone else, but we weren't dating. I didn't think it was odd either.

We Were Codependent Lovers.

We didn't take too many long walks on the beach because he was too tempted to drown me and later find pleasure in reviving a helpless victim. I would milk the role for all it was worth too.

We were CoDependent Lovers.

I tried to save money on gas because at one point he lived 45 minutes away. I'd drive out there expecting to stay a few days but I'd make four trips very often because he would punch a hole in the wall or throw my clothes out the window, later trying to justify it with some romantic reason how he loves me so much he needed to do something heartless to get my attention. And I drove back to him every time.

We Were CoDependent Lovers

I used to make him CDs filled with love songs. Some significant and meaningful, others just sweet to make him think of me when I was away. I wasted so many CDs because I'd have to make the same one twice due to his temper raging through his hands when he tore them to peices at the thought of my actions and not having me as he wanted. And I made him new ones and brushed the sweat off his forehead in a comforting way as if to say his behavior was acceptable.

We Were CoDependent Lovers

He pulled my screaming body out of the truck while I was holding on to the handles for dear life, so scared to be left on the side of the interstate. The void in his eyes was enough to tell me that he wouldn't stop at throwing my duffle bag out of the window- I would go too. And he left me there. Long enough for me to look into the woods and wish that something or someone would come out and hurt me, so then he'd feel as bad as I didn't. But he came back, and I let him carry me like a princess back into the car with a kiss on the cheeck before he shut the door behind me.

We Were CoDependent Lovers

I skipped out on his usual weekend visit. To go to a party and be with someone else. He didn't need anyone from my town to tell him, he could sense it 125 miles north of me. He drove that night at 3 in the morning, two hours because he knew my mother was out of town- and stayed for twenty minutes. Long enough to see that I was in bed by myself and know that he had ruined my plans. Long enough to tell me that I should see that him driving all that way when he must work in the morning was clearly a sign. I told him I was too tired to notice. And he accepted my apathy and drove home....satisfied [?]

We Were CoDependent Lovers

I answered the phone one night. To the one man's voice that he would have loved to kill. And I smiled and laughed even, right in front of his face. Through both our minds as my conversation went on, we knew that Jeremy had spent endless nights in agony over the fact that I was off lying underneath that guy with his voice touching my ears instead of his. He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me like your not supposed to do a baby. He locked me out of his house but I found a way back in. And we slept in the same bed that night. Holding eachother for dear life and fucked like there would be no tomorrow.

We Were CoDependent Lovers.

We fought over a phone call one night. He got so upset about that and everything that had happened between us that he had an asthma attack. He broke his ribs and I walked out on him. He called me barely breathing and I had to dial 911 and explain to them what triggered his accident. All the while I was driving home while he was suffocating in his misery. I drove back though. I always did. He looked tired and sad when I walked into his room. Very worn out and a surge of guilt ran through me as I thought about who was at fault [me]. But he took me in his arms without a word and we began to ignore our problems the only and best way we knew how....by being naked.

We Were CoDependent Lovers.

I ran down the stairs one night. Screaming viciously in anger over his existence and mine intertwining. He was running after me with hateful words that contradicted his actions of trying to stop me. I jumped in my car and he was quick enough to grab the door before it shut. I would have slammed his fingers in the door if he hadn't of run around to my passenger side and got in. He locked the doors and pleaded with me for answers. The two of us, in that little car with such huge amounts of dissatisfaction was more than I could bare. I shook violently and tried to get out, and he grabbed me in astonishment over my state of mind. I decided that very moment I was tired of crying so I said the L word and like that we were walking up the stairs, hand in hand, and already he was unbuttoning his shirt and I was pulling my zipper down.

We Were CoDependent Lovers

He bought me a ring. A diamond. I'm sure it was beautiful but I never got to see it. He found out what I was writing on this very page your eyes are running across and he threw it out of the window on I75. He didn't care either. It was only a matter of negotiating and the L word before he was back in the Jewlery store and the next weekend I got diamond earrings.

We Were CoDependent Lovers

"I can't live without you"
"Neither can I"

"I could never live with you"
"Neither could I"

"Let's never be together agian"
"But let's still have sex"

We Were CoDependent Lovers...