What Goes Up Must Come Down

it wasn't unusual for me to be sneaking out from underneath the blankets after their minds were in dreams. queitly tip toeing towards the door i'd make my way slowly out to my car. falling asleep in my own bed seemed more practical, and i knew they only invited me for the night because it seemed like a packaged deal. you "put out" in exchange for a place to stay, and the next morning they might make you breakfast... but that usually only happens in the movies.

and i was the one who avaded the truth with a smile so convincing i even made myself believe these absurd claims:
that it was my mother who had called me so late in the night, and i locked myself shut in the bathroom whispering, because i didn't want to wake you, not because i didnt want you to hear the things i say behind your back to another prospective, future relationship.

i guess i got too comfortable. taking your life and breaking it. i suppose i was too busy being on top of the world; being the one in control of every intimate situation i placed myself in.

you were so oblivious as to what was happening everyday around you. beside you. sitting in the car next to you, texting away naughty suggestions to God knows who. it was so easy. to have you and everything else i wanted along with it. i got too comfortable, blindly thinking that it would always be me, ruining you. foolishly believing that this wicked head game i was playing on you, would never get back to me.

and then it did. and im sure the whole time the distance between us was growing, you were laughing at the thought of me crying as i realized that i was waiting for something that would not be coming back.