He looks at me as though I'm so much more sacred; more pure than the other girls of the norm. I stand aside from all the others in a sense of goodness that he can take pride in as well as I. So when I confessed to him in the dark that I did some lines of C...he was so disapointed. His eyes sort of fell and he looked at me as though I had given him the biggest let down of all time. I felt so horrible and he was concerned that I might fall into some bad stuff but I told him to rest assured knowing that I wouldn't. We had a good talk with eachother lying in the bed and we cuddled as though we'd never been apart. It felt so good to feel his arms wrapped around me and my legs holding his. His face fits so perfectly in my neck and the gentle touch of his breath sends goose bumps down my body.

"It's been awhile Jason"

"Yes it has..."

We kissed and did what we used to do when we were together. It was nice to feel his skin agianst mine and have his body make a blanket for my shivering limbs. It's been too long since my heart has felt that way from the touch of his lips and the scent of his body. I'm glad we're on better terms and it's even better to know that he still cares. I'm not being made a fool out of, for I'm the one pushing him underneath the covers and pleading with him to keep going. I just love being with him and the mere fact of being close to him. I don't believe that we were meant to be as far apart as we've been. Something inside of me died last night when I heard he was going to NY to live for 4 or 5 months with his dad. I can't take the idea of us not ever seeing eachother agian...it's not supposed to happen that way. I can promise the world that I've never been so secretly in love with anyone as I am now, and that I've never been so prominate in my decision that I'd do anything to be with him. If he asked me today to leave with him and run away, I'd not think twice for anything. It's so scary knowing the lengths I'd go for him...is that love? Is that honestly what I feel? The smallest things bring me joy and the bigger the act, the more intense the feeling is. I've never been able to say that I have loved, but I think I do. Everybody else that I have met and have been seeing doesn't come close to doing what Jay did on the first night. Nobody looks appealing for a relationship in all honesty...and no matter what I might say I still care to the fullest extent about a relationship only with Jay. I can hide it because I know that if I dwell on a dream it will only make me sick. So everyday when his eyes meet mine, I silently chant to myself that I musn't look too deep and I shouldn't care about something that won't happen. I quell the truth and conceal my real feelings wishing that I could openly love and give to him knowing that he'd do the same.