Friday, March 26, 2004

From my point of view:
I'd be scared. Shocked as well as perplexed, but more on the scared side to be precise. I'd look at him with blank, emotionless eyes and see only an image I'd want to fade quickly away from my sight. Why would I want to behold someone who spoke such words? After a three week period, the last thing I want to see is a desperate heart looking for permanent comfort. So the fright in me is what would make me run away and have little to no desire of returning. After hearing radical confessions of infatuation and devotion, anyone would be out the door not wasting the time to close it behind them. I might be a little leiniant and rethink the previous events and the type of person it is, but in the end logic rules and I'd willingly be alone.
So how could I; being the very example of what I'd be afraid of, actually not hold back and reveal the truth to him? Deeming from MY reaction and how I would take it, I can only imagine how he would behave at the sound of my heart's truth. If truth be told, I'd let down my guard tomorrow and allow all that which comes from a lifetime of companionship. For in my vulnerable self I know that I could be completely happy and take it all in without second thoughts. But then I ponder how I'd feel about someone other than him (cause it won't work if I picture him professing his love) telling me all that I feel. I remember how I felt when Jeremy told me the marriage deal and how he has fallen in love with me after 2 months...
Needless to say I wasn't even shedding a layer of tissue paper, let alone the core of my defenses! His words didn't help him or gain him anything but time and luck.
And so I must restrain my heart and smother it tightly within my hands, for if it were to break lose I know how hard she'd fall for him...the last thing I want to do is set ourselves up for disapointment. So I'm still here giving an inch more than he does simply so he knows that I'm true and to offer some comfort as to say that he's not alone. But even still I keep wishing that I could tell him the extremity of my emotions and the potential of my cares. Those pressemistic thoughts cloud my mind and I consider myself insane if I were to do such a thing.
So I keep queit and meek; for analyzing my reaction to what I so long to do,it easily tells me that he'll do the same thing and leave me alone with only memories.

And then there's the small hint of trying to read someone and being totally wrong in the end. But we'll save that for another night.

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