I was completely and totally shocked! Absolutely taken back by the CRAZY fact that he didn't call when he said he would. It's fine, I'm used to it and it doesn't seem to matter that much to me anymore, last night I just needed a friend and he wasn't there to be one. I'll take mental note of that one for future references...

I called this morning and he said he got drunk and what not at Shane's house. During the time I was with Shane's girlfriend I found out a lot of interesting information! Turns out that my dear friend who finds Jason quite date-able, was at Shane's house last night. Go fucking figure...
Jason left out this minor detail and at first I was exremely upset, then I found out what exactly happened. She got shit faced and started making hella drama about how Jason wasn't paying any attention to her and that she didn't care at all, but it was the fact that he ignored her. At the sound of this I raised my eyebrows and glared at L. and J. who was spilling the information,

"Was he flirting with HER or anything? Did SHE spend the night? Do I sound psycho?"

"No! He didn't even acknowledge that she was there! That's the whole reason why the bitch was freaking out. He didn't even speak to her"

"You wouldn't lie to me would you, just to save my feelings and make me feel more secure about this new, rocky relationship I'm throwing myself into and not really knowing from day to day what he's thinking and what his intentions are...?!"

"You do kinda sound psycho..."

I couldn't help it. The second I heard that SHE was there with him and they were both drinking, I got so scared. The worst thing that could happen to me right now would be losing something I desperately need!! I can't go through another failing relationship...I won't! He was acting kinda funny today and he felt sick from drinking so he was kinda laying around on me while I scratched his back. I kinda feel like it's only when I'm physically with and around him, that we are together. Otherwise it's like we don't talk. I wonder if I should bring that up...
He went riding today so I hope when and if he decides to call he's in a good mood. I don't like how distant he is...it's like sometimes I'll get some real vibes and feelings and then other times I'm kinda in the dark staring intently at him as if I might actually retreive some silent information from his complex mind. I just don't think he knows what he wants, out of me, out of working, out of LIFE. It's very clear to me that he's confused and isn't too sure what he's doing. Maybe I'll bring it up before we fall asleep tonight. I brought the aero bed over to Shane's so we could be COMFORTABLE on the bed instead of a pallet on the floor.
Well it's St. Patrick's Day...
I'm Irish...
Guess what I'll be doing after I type my last words...