Didn't hang out with Jason last night...
Quite needless to say I was in a foul mood and eagerly took three large sleeping pills; which when mixed with the sounds of "Sade" causes an intense state of relaxation. Walking into work this morning I had the sour and decisive attitude that I would simply tell Jay that this just isn't what I want. The 30 minute drive and slow traffic allowed me to thoroughly sort through my thoughts and word it very clearly.
I had it all planned out:
"Jason, you know, I really like you and we have fun a lot"... yeah I was going to start it out that way but I hate it when those kinda talks are obvious from the start so I changed my mind quickly,

"Hey how was your night last night?"

Yeah, add an evil look with a smile and he'd feel guilty before I let him have it. Nobody cancels plans with me to go riding and gets away with it.

"Well that sounds like a lot of fun. Listen I was doing some thinking and I think that we should, ya know, hang out as friends. I just think that you still think as a single man and you seem to not want to care or be bothered so soon"

I got even more anxious as I thought about what he might say. I figured that he probably wouldn't care and say something along the lines of "whatever sarah"...kinda like a jerk, border-line asshole.
When I finally got there I was all pumped up and ready to spit it all out, but he wasn't there. In fact he was 45 minutes late so I didn't even see him walk in at first.
I caught sight of his hair from a mirror as I was walking in the opposite directoin and heard his voice as he apologed to the manager for being late. When I came back to the Hostess stand there was a little pink note on the board where I write down tables and the server's sections.

To Sarah:

Your boyfriend said he is sorry and wants you to forgive him
Jay

I forgot everything I had wanted to say and looked around for him. I saw him looking at me from across the hall and he through the sound of a kiss my way. To us, everytime we do that we want a kiss.

"If I was allowed to, I'd kiss you"

"I know, I'm sorry"

I didn't get out till late today but he stayed and waited for me. We took a shower and cleaned up before going out to dinner...
I made him promise me and seal it with a kiss that he would never do that to me agian.
We had a really nice dinner on the beach and spent some quality time playing with Jayden. I can't remember the last time I'd laughed like I did tonight. It started in the car when we were pretending to have only three fingers and touching eachother's faces. Then it carried over to him picking me up and running around the house while Jayden ran after us and bit at my butt. I was thrilled when he asked me to go away with him next week for spring break. I'm so excited...
The plan is to take three days off from work and spend them in a hotel right on the beach. Straight relaxation and drinking for three days...

WOW

Who would have thought I could be happy for once?
Content even?
Pssshh we all shuddered and laughed at the very thought...
And when I say that I actually LIKE it when he touches my face- what will they say?

"Not this Sarah...not the Sarah that smacked away hands and backed up instantly at the sight of a raised hand"

Surely nobody will take me seriously when I brag of my confidence and comfort in the nude...

"Not you! That will be the day, when you don't hold your breasts in shame and keep your eyes focused on the other's instead of the ground..."

How will I ever convince them that I do laugh and play around like a little kid?

"We don't believe that you like being poked in the side and messed with, not you, the one who copped attitudes and threw out dirty looks at the idea of horse play..."

This could be a difficult task...