So this is what those girls are talking about with every complaint, every tear, and sigh. I don't understand how they can do it for so long, and be aware of the total disfunction without initiating any change. If a girl is dissatisfied with her lousy boyfriend, why can't she move on to something better? I'm definately not about to sit here with a smile while he does this crap and you can bet I will propose a change tonight. I'm not dealing with these asshole moves that he makes quite frequently. I forgot how it feels, being so used to be treated like a queen and all. I'm used to hearing from that special someone almost five times during the day, and then a conversation before bed. I'm accustomed to the obvious fact that he would want to spend every waking hour with me, and be thinking of me inbetween. Jason's a fucking loser...I mean c'mon, he's 23 and works at a restaurant. He's got a crotch rocket which isn't even practical considering a real man needs an actual car not a bike.
There are so many things about him that don't deserve a girl like me. Maybe I'm just acting a little conceited, but I'm starting to LISTEN to those who appreciate and admire me. Before I brushed off every compliment or notion of talent, and I think I should start to acknowledge it as truth. I especially began to ponder when me and the girls were chatting at the hostess stand about me and Jason. I got stuff like we made a hot couple and meshed well together...yeah. I was agreed we were cute and laughed about how I NEVER thought he would even look at me due to his sexy nature. He looked too far out of my league and out of reach. I got so many weird glares and "oh my god"'s when I said that. Then I got a speech from each girl on beauty, the radiance in which I carry myself, and blue eyes. Maybe I was setting my standards too low all along...? Jason isn't good enough for me
Why did he ask me to be with him anyways? He's not mature enough and doesn't want to answer to anyone but himself. And it's not even answering to me, it's simply calling.
I was so upset last night cause he had to work late and we didn't have dinner together, and then he went home. Well out of the blue I got a phone call right when I was at the peak of my sadness. It was Tim, he used to work with me and he's a very religious person. When we worked together I could hear him singing to himself gospel music and christian rock songs. Everytime we talked he was smiling and claiming him and the Lord were having a great day. His passion for Christ was something I never forgot and I believed that he was something special. Tim called and realized I was sad and so I explained it. He started telling me these quotes from the Bible and what the Lord says and will do. I listened very intently and took every word to heart. It was powerful words about companionship and where I'm seeking love. I complained that I was lonely and was always let down and he went on about how the Lord never let him down and even through trial and tribulations, Jesus was always there for him.
I broke down even harder...Why was he calling me? I hadn't spoken to Tim in months! Why now, of all the times was this man calling me and preaching to me. It seemed as though it was a sign from God and right as we were hanging up he said,
"Sarah, remember who called you tonight. The Lord called and spoke to you, not me"
I was in awe for the rest of the night. I was speechless and there was no denying that was odd and extremely coincidental.
I guess tonight when Jason comes over I'll be straight forward-
No more bullshit or else no more me.
The thing that really gets me is HE kept calling, HE asked me to be his, HE wanted all of this and I was grateful enough to come along for the ride.
Asshole