6:00pm
The days at work seems to drag
Nothing's changed besides this time when I see your face pass by me
Or hear your voice from a distance,
I'm tormented by visions of yesterday and the obvious termination of tomorrow
What can I do at the end of the day when we don't walk out together?
And we don't kiss at my car and promise to see eachother in an hour...?
Now I drive alone without looking at his smiling face in my rear view mirror,
And make plans with myself without taking him into consideration.
When I'm home I can look forward to
Nothing.
My skirt and heels are thrown carelessly towards the closet,
The same skirt you wanted to take me in
Over and over.
They don't make it and land on the spot where you always sat and watched me dress or undress
The reminders of you stay fresh
In the blankets, pillows, and panties...
I've tried to wash you away
Yet it helps none for I know what was once there:

Happiness and the content feeling of permanent

The tone in your voice calls out softly from the little box under my bed
I try to stifle the laughter and drown out the whispers...
But the ruffling of covers as I flop underneath them does no good
And soon enough after my bedding falls silently over my face
The sound will once agian peirce my ears and vulnerable heart in agony.
If I only had the strength
To forget those worthless nights
without frantically tracing back into my mind to savor every moment,
Surely I'd be willing to try.
God let me sleep through this one night
Allow the sun to shine brilliantly enough to wake me in the morning
Make my day cluttered with duties so that I'm too busy to notice his prescence
carelessly working without me on his mind and my body in his eyes.
How scary it is...
When all my hopes fade meaninglessly to nothing
And all I hoped for was him.
Desire clenches my body
And my heart sags from hunger and devastation.
Papers filled top to bottom from lonely nights
When I tried to bring him back through magical words.
But my imaginative images only enhance my anxiety and make my desperation more evident.

How hopeless I've secretly become.

Is it quite possible for tomorrow to arrive at my doorstep
Without his presence lingering there from today?
The glass vase shatters upon my gentle touch
The lamp crashes to peices at my steps on tip toe
The frames fall at the sound of my breath sighing his name
What is PAIN?
Who can testify to MISERY?
Unrecognizeable-
Compared to this...
All I hoped for was him.