Sunday morning came too quickly; it seemed that right as we closed our eyes and got comfortable, the sun was filling up the room and reminding us of a new day. I woke up to the sound of Jay sleeping soundly...his light breathing and the steady and rise and fall of his chest gently pushed my back and I awoke with a slight smile. So this is what Jeremy was talking about huh? When he said there wasn't anything better than waking up to me in the morning, even when I didn't cuddle, he was still in bliss. I can't remember a time when I liked being so close to someone in the morning.
Work was long, and at first it seemed good to me. Jay laughed to me about how nice Todd was being to the both of us and we shared some Kalamarakia (calamari) around 1:00pm. But then his mood went sour and he wasn't talking to anyone, when I walked past him he gave me the most horrible look I've ever seen. I did a double take to make sure he wasn't joking but sure enough his expression hadn't changed. After re-questioning him on his desire to pull a double I got a rude,

"Hell no! I'm going OUT tonight!" and then he walked away.

My mood turned foul and I got the same feeling as when I found out that Saturday night they had gone to HER house and SHE was at Shane's the night I wasn't. The first thing I thought of was HER. Why was I thinking so badly like I did? I felt mad jealous and went crazy over the fact that I probably wouldn't see him that night. And what made me sad was that very morning I asked if I could make him dinner and he said yes if he didn't work a double. Asshole.

He came up to me before I left and I said I was going to hang out with my mom and Tiffany since he was going out and I couldn't make him dinner like I had previously asked. I made sure to speak the comment apathetically yet coldly. He laughed and said he wasn't going out and he wanted to spend some time with me. I promise you this kid has serious mood swings and I don't know that I can handle it much longer. It drives me nuts going from happy to disapointed in 60 seconds or less. I worked late and he called work to say hello and make sure I was still going to head over there afterwards. It was nice to have him say, "I'll call you in an hour", and then exactly an hour later he called. That was probably the first time in a long time he did what he said he would do.
I didn't make dinner cause it was too late and we were both too hungry, so we opt for Wendy's and mowed down on 6 junior bacon cheeseburgers and some salads. We went back to the house and if I'd have known the next thing that would happen I would have thrown my cell phone out the window and cared almost not at all. I got in the shower and he comes in and says,

"So have you been having any problems with your ex?"

"No", I said with a weird voice.

"Have you seen him? Do you still talk to him?"

"I haven't seen him at all, and I talk through E-mail or texts" I thought it was really weird how he was asking me this out of nowhere and I peeked over the shower curtain and asked him to come closer to me.

"Your lying to me Sarah, I'm not coming over there"

The first slammed door I heard was the bathroom. I yelled out his name and was very confused and upset at his behavior. I jumped out of the shower and the next slammed door I heard was the front door. My eyes bugged out of my head and I was in complete shock, I hadn't lied to him at all. To make a long, repetitive arguement short; he looked through my phone and found the texts from Jeremy and the newest one said "You come chill with me" or something like that. I hadn't seen that and I had no idea he wrote that. Jason called me sneaky and scandolous for talking to him and that I was playing games with him. I wasn't doing any of those things and it was the biggest misunderstanding in the world. I said I'd do anything for him if he'd only not leave me and just listen to me. I said over and over how much I liked him and how much more happy he's made me feel in two weeks than Jeremy ever had. He said that Jeremy was my back up plan, as if I was some kind of bad, sleezy girl like that. I'm not like that and there isn't anything in this world that could make me go back to Jeremy. It took me almost an hour of following him around the house trying to hold him down, he was so angry and so upset over it. I knew he was changing his mind once he started talking to me about other things when there was a silence or when he said stuff like,

"Just call him over to your house and let me beat the shit out of him. Just let me do it and he'll never bother us agian"

I said okay to appease him and that I'd never ever speak to Jeremy agian if that's what it took. And he was letting his gaurd down cause he was actually looking at me for the first time in 45 minutes when he said that he didn't want to tell me what to do and he didn't want to control me. I asked him to put his foot down on this matter because I cared about him so much that I didn't want to do anything to make him upset. I was so scared I'd lose him...
He apologized for over reacting and I made a promise never to speak to Jeremy agian. I deleted the texts today and I won't pick up his calls agian or dial his number. I like Jason too much to almost lose him agian. We talked a lot that night after we made love...it wasn't love but I like the sound of it better than SEX! SEX is so raw and uncut...I like things to sound a little bit nicer when I'm thinking about Jason and I underneath the covers. I confronted him about something he had said to me when we were apologizing and making up on the couch after shit hit the fan:

ME: "Jason I like you so much and I don't want to lose you"

HIM: "I like you a lot too Sarah, it actually scares me how much I like you"

He was shy about it when I brought it up and said he didn't like to talk about sentimental stuff cause he felt stupid and I might laugh at him. He just said that there has only been two times in his life when he's really wanted to be with someone. He's always been the type of person who can be friends with girls and not even THINK about anything more. But then he met me and he felt so strongly that he wanted to be with me. And it makes him scared and want to hold back from me because the first time it happened everything went bad after a few months. He said that what we had was so much better than the first time it happened to him and it scared him.
I told him not to hold back with me cause I wouldn't hurt him. But everyone has to hold back, I think I hold back a lot more than he does. I could fall in love with him next week if I let myself...that's how intense it is when he kisses me and when he grabs my hand and kisses from my fingers to the top of my shoulder.
I could get used to those lips and those beautiful eyes...there's something about him that makes me feel like I've never felt before. Scary...