Well, this is normal and I never though I'd actually think this, but I'm GLAD that he hasn't called. It's not out of the ordinary, when he doesn't call it means that the next day I'll be in his arms agian. So I'm thinking that if he HONESTLY wanted to break up with me, then I'd be gone. It would be something that he'd want to get out of his way and not anything to drag on. It's definately not something that one can put off for another day.
I'm still sad none the less. It was a weird day and night yesterday and I just don't know sometimes. I went back to Shane's after my last post yesterday and everyone was hanging out, watching MTV and bull shitting. Jason was laying on the couch with his eyes closed, it took me 10 minutes after walking in to go sit down on the couch he was occupying. There is something about him that makes me feel that I can't approach him, anyone else and that would be my first stop. I made small talk and eventually I got a smile and some laughs and I felt better about how the night would be. He isn't too into attention giving in big crowds as he is when we are alone. He holds my hand and kisses me but I'm not the main focus...which is fine I suppose...If you LIKE to be second string and all...
(kidding)
I started scratching his back and we went into his room and rested on the bed. We talked and layed in a comfortable silence with eachother as I scratched his body down. We all started drinking not too long afterwards and I got tipsy with mad quickness...we drove to Clearwater Beach and hung out with Jay's friend for awhile then Shane's girlfriend's friend started getting emotional and drunk and unnecessary...
You know how girls do it when they mix drinks with depression...DRAMA!
So naturally I didn't want any part of it so I talked with the guys and kept quiet so not to seem immature and dramatic. They are almost the same age as me and I don't want to be associated with retarded bullshit like that. So while Shane got in the backseat and I got in the front with Jason, I was sweet and not acting beligerent. We held hands in silence and decided quickly on Checkers for everyone. He'll probably be the only one who can get me to eat a double cheeseburger and a large frie at 11:30 at night. Yes 11:30, which shows exactly how much of a late nighter we were last night! When we got home me and Jay wanted to go to sleep so we hit the bed hard and undressed...
Normally I'm the one who initiates any kind of sexual activity and he's the passive one who could win or lose while caring for both equally. Oddly enough he was very kissy and touchy for a guy who knows I'm on the rag...It didn't seem to matter to him but I wasn't feeling it and I expressed my uncertainty for those sort of actions that particular night. I expected him to argue with me, which is half way what I wanted! But he just held me close, kissed me and got comfortable on my body to sleep.

"Jay what are you doing"

"We're going to bed"

We are?! I wasn't too sure what that was all about but I definatly wasn't going to sleep with his third leg chillin agianst my stomach. Truth was, I didn't want to go to bed at all. And I don't do things that I don't want to do, so I didn't.
When I woke up I wasn't really feeling too good. Like I watched him sleep for a little while and then cuddled close, but I worry about bothering him. I'm almost afraid that my own BOYFRIEND will get annoyed by my affection. I understand how I can be in the morning, so I'm not quite too sure.

"How was your sleep Sarah?"

"I was cold through the night and morning, but other than that it was nice"

"Why didn't you cuddle close to me?"

Ah there we go. The reassurance I needed to get my morning going. There isn't anything like a simple conversation that reveals a lot of complex characteristics about a person. At the sound of this I rushed close to him and we relaxed the morning away till I had to go to work.
I'm still worried about what he might have to talk to me about...but I'm guessing that it can't be too drastic. I'll talk to him tomorrow and see him on Saturday. (Friday is my girl's night and his guy's night)
I can only hope for the best and wish that all will go my way.
I saw a falling star the other night and wished hard that Jason would fall so deep into love with me. Maybe that's what the talk will be about...
haha and then I woke up. Only in my dreams will somebody that I care deeply for, wouldl care equally for me in return. One such as I must rely on those fantasy images and pray upon mysteries in the night sky...
Pathetic