Unless by some miracle of God....
I'll be sleeping alone tonight. That's the most depressing thought I've had all day. These past two days have been pure bliss with Jason. We didn't do much on Tuesday-
Had lunch at Einstein Bagels and got smoothies...went down to the beach and decided that we needed a chill night. Shane and Jay made dinner for us and it was suprisingly delicious. He asked me if I wanted some chicken fingers and french fries and I agreed while silently thinking that if that was his idea of cooking for me, we were gonna have problems. But I went out to the kitchen to find him looking for chicken ceaser salad ingedients. My eyes lit up and I smiled at his efforts...unfortunatly we had chicken, rice, and vegetables but I won't hold it agianst him. The night would have been fine if not for that gangster crap that I want no part of.
I was really upset over the drama that Shane caused with his cousin...I don't want to hear or see anybody ever agian with that much blood on their body, nor do I want to be questioned by the police because I'm a witness. Jason really earned my respect by not getting involved and taking me out of there as soon as possible...
Wednesday we all went to the beach-
But not before Jason had to get mad at me and threaten to "do his own thing" that day. He got mad cause I evaded the truth to cover Jessica's ass and waiting till later to come clean on my own. I apologized and I pointed out that I could have kept my mouth shut the entire time, but he was still mad at the fact that I lied. I wasn't doing it to be cruel or deceptive...I didn't want Jessica to get into any trouble. He got over and we went to the beach and the girls took the boys to Carrabbas! All in all our two days off together weren't so bad despite the fact that I wanted to GO somewhere. Oh well...we have no money, what can we do?
Jason has definatly shown a major improvement in the way he's acting. He's so romantic and sweet to me, Tuesday night I fell asleep before him and he was still hanging with the people in the living room while I was in the bed. It was almost 3:00am and I was exhuasted, so I passed out really quickly. He came in the room with a candle and randomly said,

"I really like you Sarah"

Being half asleep, I agreed with him and left it to that. But I didn't stop, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. I love the fact that it came out of his mouth first and out of nowhere, while I was sleeping. At Carrabbas he suggested we take a bath together when we got home; agian he hasn't failed to sweep me off my feet out of nowhere. I could be with him for so long and not worry or contemplate whether or not there could be something else I might be missing. Never would I think if it were him and I. I know he's mine and I've got him, but I still feel that at any given moment I could lose it. I don't think I will lose him though, judging by the way he talks to me and how we act, I don't believe I could.
It's going to be a Sarah night tonight...
I don't want to sleep alone, but I am. I want to give him some space and let him breath...the last thing I want to do is smother something that I want. I want him to be alone tonight and wish that we were together...I'm all over his bathroom and room so I'm almost positive he can't escape thoughts of me anyhow. Maybe I'll get a call from him later even though I said I would talk to him tomorrow...
It sounds ridiculous but I miss him when he's not around. I know he said on Monday that he missed me but I still wonder if he wishes I was around sometimes when I wasn't. I keep praying and wishing that he'd get attatched and fall completely head over heels for me...when will it happen?