My eyes don't seem to want to stay in this openly, burning position that they stand. All I can think about is sleep and what Jason must be dreaming of this very second. The worst feeling in the world is waking up too early while you watch another party sleep soundly and nestled comfortably within the blankets. But if I want to spend the nights with Jay then I have to take some responsibility and do the whole school thing.

I went to Jay's last night at like 8:00pm to hang out with Jess, I honestly didn't think he'd be home until 9 or 10....so I wanted to get my toothbrush and blankets just in case we broke up. I was most shocked to hear his voice as he walked through the door and closer to the couch where I sunk with humiliation. I assumed he probably wasn't going to call me and then to see me at his house he felt obligated to talk to me. How horrible...I suggested we walk outside to smoke a cigarette and apologized for being there. He looked at me with astonished features and laughed because he didn't care in the least bit. Shane and Jessica went to the movies so we had some time to talk. We took a shower, which I was reluctant to agree to...but my heart filled with hope as in the middle of a conversation he said,

"You know that we are going to get back together, because I know we are"

I looked at him with a stillness so serious and replied that I didn't have any clue what would happen. But obviously he wouldn't want me to be there and he wouldn't want me to spend the night if he didn't want to be with me. So now we are taking things one at a time and going back into it slow. He doesn't like it that we work together because of all the drama it seems to cause but there isn't much I can do about that. I said we could get different days off so that way we wouldn't see eachother during the week, but I don't know that it will always work out that way. I'll do anything to be with him; to have him be the one to make me happy and nobody else. I'm so into him it's sickening...
Last night we cuddled and did a few things we probably shouldn't have, but I felt okay cause we fell asleep holding hands. I questioned him over and over about him playing games and using me...but I already knew the answer.
He isn't using me for anything at all...

If he was, he'd never drop me cause he knows that we have sex and I buy/do things for him. A real asshole would keep that and use me till I've got nothing left. Clayton did it, and I can see Jason isn't like that at all.