Ooohhhh somebody is in trouble...
Personally I'd rather not be a part of this drawn-out and totally not my business, type of situation; however, it seems as though my phone is blowing up with the consistent,
"Where is Jason Sarah, I know you know where he is"
"Sarah I need you to respect us and stop covering for him"
In all honesty: I have no idea where he is, who he's with, or what he is doing. It makes me sick to my stomach. I lost all color in my face listening to how he could be with HER, living and sleeping with HER. But I regained control as well as the pink tint of my cheecks as I heard that he most likely wasn't with her due to her phone calls inquiring of his where abouts. Oh I can't bear the thought of the two of them together, I really really cannot. Just knowing the small bit of history between them that I do, I couldn't stand it if he were to go back to that. Supposedly the reason why he's left without a trace is because the two of them got in an arguement over me and probably took of. To be quite entirely honest, I don't care who he chooses to be with, as long as it isn't her.
But I don't want to be involved with this whole thing because Shane is wanting me to go with him to his ex-girlfriend's house to talk to him and get what he deserves. UM HELLO! Does it look like I want to be a little bitch coming around her place and getting into her life...? I want nothing to do with any of that, and I'm just a little upset that I was even asked in the first place. What ability do I have over Jason at this point? Maybe a few weeks ago I could have done something in their favor but It's totally out of my hands. I find it absolutely amazing how one person can see so many faults, errors in character, and issues in the mind of another; yet still feel no different. I don't look at him with any judgement and I still miss him dearly. And why? Why when I know what he's doing to the couple drowing in bills? Why when I acknowledge the fact that he hasn't even called to say hello? If he wants to leave everyone behind, why can't he atleast say goodbye to me? To ME, I'm not like them or anyone else in his eyes and I can't understand why he won't come to me for help. I'm his friend and I would be there for him and wouldn't call him out or judge him; "I'm different" remember?
Funny how that affect comes from those feelings...

Gavin is coming to town on the 24th of May. I'm so excited to see him agian and spend time with him! To be truthful to myself and to anyone else that notices, things have changed. It's no false claim to say that I'm alone and without obligations, but I'm not about to start anything that could conjure up any feelings for either of us. We've spoken and reminisced of the Summer, but we won't be hooking up or getting together. It's true I felt something for him and still care for him, but I don't get to the point that one is supposed to feel when it's "right". I know we'll remain close, but far enough for anybody that might have envy. The plan is to go to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure and probably Gainseville for three days. It makes me happy to know that the two of them together will be with me! Probably the only two people now that can remind me that there's something to be happy about and there's hope.