I don't pretend to not notice the way things are and how they'll always be. I can accept it and live my life as though he isn't even there. He isn't stopping me or holding me back from others in such a way where another relationship is impossible. I could easily fall in love with someone else and give those feelings away that I have saved for him.
(Mindless comments for the oblivious, and helpful hints for anyone that might be interested in knowing)


Last night as I was twiddeling my thumbs and twirling my hair he called; asked me of my where abouts and hung up quickly.
"How rude..." ,I thought as I looked at the phone in confusion. Perhaps 25 minutes later I heard his bike and smirked as I realized his unannounced visit. It makes me happy knowing where he is and what he's
doing...I hate the feeling of mystery and wonder with him. I'm jealous to the point that I can't even look
at myself in the mirror because I'm so heated and uncomfortable. Ugh it's an awful feeling to have for
someone.
We talked a lot about love and relationships, which was different considering he doesn't usually talk about
his feelings too much. He told me that he'd never let himself fall in love and every time he gets close and
starts to feel the way he once did, he'll push away. I knew that's what he did to me, and all I needed was
some justification. I said how funny it was how at nights before we fell asleep he'd leave me with
"I really like you a lot" or "It's scary how much I like you" and then after that things went down hill. He said
sorry but that he didn't want to fall in love and he'll never let himself get into that temporary happiness
ever agian. I said to have faith because one day he'll find a girl who won't make him scared and he'll be happy forever. I almost came clean with him on how I feel but I didn't want to make things weird and uncomfortable for the both of us. I know he cares a lot about me and what happens to me, but he doesn't
care enough to take a chance on me or anyone. I don't see how a person can live their life day to day with a different girl all the time. I couldn't stand the change or the inconsistency of personalities and styles.
I love knowing a person and feeling comfortable with someone to the point where nothing stupid could
be said and there is no hesitation for actions. No questions about how this person feels or what they are
thinking...because you already know.
We played on the bike this afternoon after lunch. I found that I could sit on the bike and hold up the weight
without his help...now if only I could ride it. He showed me how different things worked and what does this and who does that. I look so sexy on that bitch it kills me that it isn't mine.
If only I had 1,000$.
Life would be kick ass with a bike