Though completely unexplainable, it's more than simple infatuation that keeps me holding on to him. I don't try to hide it that I'm so in love with everything about him and that nothing will ever make these new, akward feelings go away. Riding on the bike today I realized something about myself and about the way things are supposed to be when in love. It's true that I recognize his flaws, but they don't suppress the strength of my emotions for him. There's been so many times where a guy in my life has certain quircks about him that stifle true feelings,but this however seems absolutly ludacris when applied to Jason.
I don't care that he's got a skin pigmentation problem that leaves certain, random areas of his skin white; and for me to say that I don't care about the chip in his front tooth is shocking considering I'm the biggest teeth fanatic. He does the most retarded things for no reason that would normally find me walking out the door, but today when he decided to put tin foil over his teeth like a "grill" I laughed and allowed him to put one on me.
I don't want to get any more into it because it makes me sad to think that we're both leaving. I'm taking him to the airport so I'll be quite sure to tell him the truth.


I don't want to explain how much I miss J. I could write forever tonight just going over the endless memories that bring about a smile. (Yeah I know, a smile!) I had a lot of time to think tonight at work.
I didn't think of anything except J...
How we stayed the night in some po-dunk suwannee river motel that was "ON THE WATER!!!!!";how when I was sick from drinking and said things I didn't mean he was still there for me; how we always went to Jeff's for dinner; how he'd give me piggy back rides anywhere, anytime regardless...
I don't want anyone's judgement because many might believe that I'm contradicting myself. I know I'm head over heels for someone, but that doesn't mean that I can't have feelings for someone that made such a big impact on my life. I'm still attatched to him! I don't write about him knowing that he reads every word and every thought I say, yet keeping the truth a secret is something I've learned isn't right.
I don't care what anyone thinks about my reasoning, I still love J. I don't have to explain myself or answer to anyone's critical commentary...
It is what it is