I forgot how hard it was to be around him...it's all or nothing. I can't say anything and be unsure of myself, I can't question out of curiousity without being put down, and I certainly can't make time for my life because the very idea is suicidal. I don't know why I care enough to still want him, what is it that's so messed up in my head? I can't be with someone who wants attention and time 24/7, because that's how people get sick of eachother. I wanted to spend time with him but not every single day and I certainly didn't want to be held responsible for cancelled plans that was out of my control.

So I almost got killed today! I swear I thought it was some sort of conspiracy agianst me...
I was about to take Shane home and I saw all these missed calls from Jay, then I had a call from Jay as I was walking out the door. And he wanted to know where I was and what I was planning on doing, so I explained I'd be over at his house in like 10 minutes and we could chat. As I was parking, I noticed how conveinantly Jason's ex girlfriend's car was parked next to his bike! Oh my gosh, this NY bitch is absolutely insane with her meanness and cruelty. I was shocked that he would call me over there while SHE was inside knowing that she'd probably kill me cause of the notes and clothes I've left in his room this past week. I looked at Shane with sad, imploring eyes and he responded with a silent look as if to say, "Sarah, we told you he was shady like that..."
Oh but what could I do? I wasn't about to go inside so I asked Shane to call me when he got upstairs and tell me if she was waiting with a baseball bat or something. I got the call and was pleased to hear that she wasn't there and he just took her car. He called me and was like, "Oh my gosh I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks...but it's only been 2 days" Yeah I feel as though it's been too long as well, but hey he isn't complaining with all the company he's got. Why do I care about this one either?
Good news and Bad news:
Tonight after my date with Joey (<-- good news) I decided to follow Maria up to Orlando to meet...Clayton and Peter (<-- potentially bad news). I called him a little bit ago and we had a nice conversation about how we missed eachother and how it would be nice to see one another agian. I can't even begin to express the way his voice makes my heart drop far down enough to smear the pink off my pedicured toes. Nothing has changed with him, and I'll get attatched this weekend I'm sure.
"Relish Today Remorse Tomorrow"

I'm so lost and far away from where I feel I need to be. If I knew exactly where it was, I'd wish to be at home.