Oh so bored on this lovely Saturday night, but I suppose I put myself here in the kitchen with nothing else to do but write. I think this is what I really wanted anyways; to be alone and enjoy the stillness of nothing but the steady rythm of my breath. There isn't one person in my life at the moment that I can say brings me any goodness or joy. So why would I want to be around those who only bring me down? I'm so unhappy right now it's almost sickening to the point of rushing out of my chair into the bathroom, and why? Because I'm not spending time with Jay as previously planned Friday morning, because the one person that I need right now to do some good in my life isn't here with me now...
and that last line is purposely ambigious for that "one person" can be taken for many.
I want to leave, up and move out of this hell hole that I TOLERATE. I always dreamt of moving to the origin of my happiness after college...but why wait? Why should I put myself on hold? It doesn't make sense to do such a thing because Florida is conveinant. I don't want to be here and nobody would care if I was or wasn't.