Sometimes I wonder why when I have good intentions at heart, I'm always feeling so horrible about myself...
I hate it how I seek to do good in mine and his lives, but he always makes me feel like it's never good enough. If I say something, it's not the right way of saying it; If I make effort to do something, It's at the wrong time. I can't keep living to justify my actions/intentions. I wish I could be perfect for him, that way perhaps we'd both smile in the morning. Then I look back on the words I just wrote, and think to myself: That's cruel the way I'm living and what's going on in my head, shame on me for thinking I'M doing something wrong. But I can acknowledge the fact that I'm a good person and STILL blame myself. Psycho...
Now I have to do this today alone, without anyone's comfort or consoling words. I was mad at him the day he went but I didn't leave him stranded to deal with it by himself. I have nobody to talk to, to cry to...
I can say that Jessica and Jason are there for me, but It's only sometimes. I can't go to them at any given moment and expect them to be there for me. I have nobody to depend on in my life except Jayden, atleast I know my dog won't judge the person I am.
Thanks Jer because I really need someone like you now and despite what you may think, I care that your not here with me to the point of anger.