It's hard not to believe that every person acts upon reason. Though I try to convince myself that it isn't always so; sadly I recognize the truth of every matter. People don't do random things without logic behind them. There's a plot behind everything.

So I wondered to myself why I got that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach at the thought of pure neglect. Considering my happy situation with Panda Express, I would have never imagined any discomfort. But I remembered what today was: Wednesday the 12th, and probably at any given moment he'd be flying over my head without any efforts of goodbye. Most people fly in the morning; it was 11:30 and I had that familiar feeling of being let down. The very thought made me so angry I stopped eating and threw up in the bathroom.
"Oh my god," I thought, "How ridiculous and incongrues of me to lose control in a place where PEOPLE can actually SEE my emotions and realize that I'm upset..." Being a person that wants to be viewed as "flawless" in the emotional aspects of life, I was distressed at how I reacted. Why did I do that? How was I not able to handle myself and hold back on something that makes him win? I've always been able to make the tears and swallow them back before anyone caught sight...what happened now that's different?
I don't want to think about the reason behind which I suffered momentarily. I looked at myself in the mirror and repeated the nature's insignificance and lack of merit in regards to anything. Brushed it off my shoulders and walked to my car like I never thought once about him or reacted in such a way that looked dejected.
It's not so much because of him romantically, it's so much more of the relationship part. The bond we had and how close we grew as friends. There's never been a friendship like ours and it hurt to think that he wouldn't have the decency to bid me farewell. My heart was damaged but more so due to the friendship we built.
I was able to take out my anger through sweating uphill at the causeway with Maria...
The more I thought about it the harder I pushed agianst the wind only to prove to myself that I was just as strong and resiliant.
I checked my phone when I got home and sure enough I had a missed call and voicemail from him,
"Good little bitch!" I said with a smile and a laugh. The conversation consisted of him not leaving for another week, being so busy, and what I've been up to. Then it turned as we joked/teased about him hanging out with Asia's cousin tonight. I laughed but I really wanted to say words in a tone of voice he's never heard. She's annoying trash and everything else even worse; these words coming straight from mine and Jessica's mouth AND his.

"Retred"