When You Answer The Door, Pick Up The Phone, You Won't Find Me Cause I'm Not Comin' Home...

I suppose if anyone thought that I wouldn't go back to that lifestyle, they haven't been hurting quite like this.

Lex and I spoke awhile last night, three hours to be exact, and it wasn't until then that I realized I still wasn't over Alex. (Ew Sarah get over it!)

It's always in the far back corner of my mind, but with all the craze each new days brings- it seems to be pushed aside for another more quiet time.

I'm a walking contradiction these days due to unexpected heartache and confusion- but that doesn't stop me from trying to figure it out aloud. I will find myself on the side of enjoyment in regards to talking to many people and involving myself without attatchment, and then after that I think in my mind,

"No, I'm not happy I'm just coping because it's all I can have"

I am so unbalanced right now to the point where all I do is circle around my undeveloped ideas I claim true to its entirety. I don't know anything besides the fact that to them, and to you, I'm perceived as the same girl who bounces back from anything with a smile and a new poem describing the awful situation.
---------

Gone are the days when I was putting my heart up agianst his to see if they paired nicely together

It only gave a half ass performace of pretending to care with words that would later be contradicted by neglect

So it's no suprise that I'm really attracted to the idea that all of this, and last night, is just

Sex

in a bed that knows not one person for longer than an hour, because the mere fact of falling asleep together involves a subconscious attatchment

So even if by chance you, pulling my legs out of jeans this very moment, are the Mr. Right...

They told me monogomy was
not the way to be