Another Love Grows Cold On The Sleepless Night

I guess it's an impressively positive fact that I'm not head over heels with Mike, nor do I have all these wonderful plans or extravagant expectations.
I won't lie- I toyed around with the slight idea that maybe going to Orlando and ditching my date with Abercrombie was a sign of fate; destiny at work how I just randomly picked Mike to mingle with.

But then it was the situation in which we found ourselves in not too long after meeting, that pops the dream filled cloud above my head, and reminds me that this isn't ordinary. It's all too scandelous to believe that, "I can change him" or "This time around will be different, because I'm such a catch".

I've rarely heard of those optimistic women work out a healthy relationship with bad boys. They are just too bad.

Which is why I'm not in the slightest bit suprised that when Mike told me to call him later- he didn't pick up. Why would he? He's home with his friends...going out. I know exactly what home means. Because to me, going home to Dunedin from Jacksonville means going crazy! I have fun, and call up old flames to get back to the places we used to be (if you know what I mean).

It's 4:30am and all I can remember are those nights similar (not identical) to this one. Before it was him who I adored with all of my 17 year old heart, he who swore he'd come over, and he who never showed up nor called...all night long. That was devastating to me, to be let down after putting my feelings in an envelope, sealing it and soon after, hand delivering it to him. I went through so much hell just by the fact that though they were never there for me in any way. I can recall falling asleep with the phone on high volume underneath my pillow so that in case he did finally call, there would be no way I'd miss it. But the mornings were a dispointing ritual as I slipped my hand underneath the pillow to find a phone just as it was when I fell asleep:
blank with no missed calls.

Hey now, relax over there cause I'm certainly not implying that this whole Mike ordeal is tearing me up inside...at all. It only reminds me of them and reaffirms my suspicions of Mike. In my eyes, a genuine guy would call back or even more simple: ANSWER.
[Um...I'm like a strict teacher when it comes to missed calls. In comparison to missed class, I don't accept it and I deduct a letter grade unless valid documentation is shown...end of story]

My how these discouraging thoughts could have been avoided if he didn't ask me to call. Seems odd though, I must admit that if a real asshole wanted to play a girl he wouldn't ask her to call later, he'd just say tomorrow. That way she wouldn't call and there wouldn't be doubt in her mind...
Hmmm, what of that?
[WHO CARES...IT'S TRASH]