She's Just Not Into It

Smooth wouldn't be the first word that came to mind when we first saw each other agian (for the first time since it happened). The air was dry, our movements stiff, and conversations seemed to stumble and trip over eachother. I think I heard, "What's new" at least three times as if he was expecting to hear something different-
like buying three different boxes of cracker jacks hoping for different prizes.

His high regard for himself slipped my mind until I found several pictures of himself that he was sending to a modeling agency. I wouldn't tell him, but he looked damn good enough to be inside one of my magazines. You have to know how to handle guys that think they are so Godly that women just fall to the ground with desire. You can't let him think you care or are in any way interested in seeing his body on top of yours. But I didn't have to, he just assumed it and off goes his shirt as I'm going to surrendor to his game.

"Very nice," I say nonchalantly as I look the other way and completely change the subject. It was then that I realized that this entire night was just an attempt at recreating the last time we were together. The last time was just a fluke because I was trying to do what Jason did to me. But I was only infatuated with Jason and I was mentally able to do such things to him. For some reason I couldn't do it last night...all the other times I was blitzed out of my mind. I guess alcohol really does impair your judgement (but I have no regrets).

The second his hand pushed open my legs and I felt his fingertips run along the outside of my underwear, my heart sank. Being behind him, I felt his heart race as if throughout the 23 years of his life he had never done it before. But I found his weakness and realized that sometimes those type of guys aren't always as tough as they make themselves out to be.

I was fine without thinking of Alex (I was actually daydreaming about Mike) until he tried to EAT MY HAIR. I looked at him (almost in tears) like, "What are you doing!? Are you trying to eat my hair?" (Alex used to do that...didn't think anyone else liked to play around like that)

The mood was ruined with reminders of Alex's voice and images of me struggeling agianst him with laughter. When will I ever get over this?
(Maybe on Thursday when my head hits Mike's bed)

About That...

Briefly speaking, it was a fiasco with Mike and Jessika. Not only do I not exactly care for Jessika, but she waltzes in on me and Mike gets in the bed and plainly states her desire to have sex. Off goes the clothes and there she is waiting for something magical to happen between the THREE of us.

Mike apparently thinks that's what I wanted because I didn't say anything and I said something like "go ahead" or whatever (I don't remember that). Well next thing I know the two of them are together and I'm walking out the door to find the girls and his roommate talking on the couch. I'm still putting back on my clothes with a scowl while they are asking me questions like, "What happened, what's wrong?"

They were more pissed of than I was just because I don't want any drama and it's not like Mike is my boyfriend or anything. They come out and I'm laying on the couch facing the wall and Erin is saying nasty comments to Mike while I can feel his embarassment.

M: I'm goin to bed
E: Why don't you take ANOTHER girl in there with you huh?

At that I drew the line and said that it's no big deal everyone just go to sleep it's 4am. He came over to me and asked to talk (why I don't know). I agreed and was so suprised at the manner in which he was speaking to me and the way his body language was. I honestly felt like I was in a situation where he was my boyfriend and he cheated on me! He was so upset about it, and I just said it was okay and when I hugged him he held me so tight and kissed my head as if he had done me so wrong for the first time.

I was impressed that he actually wanted to talk to me about it and so I didn't want to make him feel bad so I let him cuddle with me until we fell asleep. But now I actually think he's cool and we are gonna hang out. I don't know that it's going to be anything serious because he's in Orlando and he travels a lot (also that he hooked up with me on the first night so why wouldn't he do it agian?).

If he wanted to though, I definatly would in a heart beat. Alex doesn't even cross my mind when I'm with him...and that's the first guy that could do that for me since we broke up.