I Walk Alone- I Walk Alone

If I were to tell him that there were no malicious intent behind my skill…I’d be lying. Standing there, watching his eyes fall to the ground at the mercy of my touch drew a grin upon my face. I’m sure he scowled with dissatisfaction before he fell asleep, how could he not? It’s the very reason why we didn’t go into that room…because she was in there. I think it would have been thrilling for me to look over and see her smiling at us through the glass of a frame, but he might see it otherwise. In the living room her face was too high up on a shelf, and that smile couldn’t reach us on the floor. He was safe down there from her innocent eyes staring ironically with pleasure...

If I tell him before hand that it’s so much more than just the thirty seconds of bliss, he’ll revert back to the days when he loved me and I was the girl who was willing to put my life on hold to wait and see if later I could feel that love too. Being together like that takes us to a time of comfort and in his eyes he’s still making love to the girl who wants to be underneath his body in love too.

I don’t think either of us contemplates what it is we are doing, until after the fact while we peice back together our appearance that lies scattered about the floor. It isn’t until after we look at the mess of blankets and clothes that are eyes meet and simultaneously words like “adultery” and “unfaithful” come to our mind. But I leave too soon after that for us to talk it over and come to a consensus, that way I know I have the chance at it again.

Someone (the one I least expected) asked me just how many boyfriends do I have? Well I'm not one to boast (all the time) so I toned it down a bit so not to seem as though I'm lying to get back at him or some other 8th grade revenge trick. If you want to use the term "boyfriend"...possibly one. But I just wanted to appear more...monogomous! But boyfriend is so restricting therefore I have none. Who wants a boyfriend anyways? But I have (names changed):

"Thickster" <---whom I can get any time I want whether it be simply a booty call or a husband, he's mine.

"My cross country loves" (2) sometimes 3 when the third one isn't pissed off at me for not believing in the impossibilities of love. Those that touched my heart so deeply we still consider each other a part of our daily lives.

"Gainesville" for lack of better terms, this person remains to bring back my first experiences in Gainesville. My first orgasm and steady sex life, as well as a representation of "Mr. Perfect...For Some Other Girl". (the above described would be him)

"Boy Next Door"- in love with him since 8th grade...he's my Dawson. One day I can see it, but not unless I move back home.

"Cowboy"(BF)...where do I begin? If anyone would stand for something a little more than nothing in my life today- reluctantly I'd point to him. It's like, I wasn't ready for it, nor was I looking for it so now I'm confused if I want it. He reminds me of junk food--> Eating it is so pleasurable but you know the affects and choose diet food, and back and forth forever. It's a cycle of love/hate. (not exactly love or hate though) I go from one extreme to the next with him

And then there's you. You, whose eyes will most likely never look at these words to know that even though your not mine today or tomorrow, it's still there in the back of my mind. I still see the water over the bridge and can hear you say, "pretty huh?" while I agree without any regard what so ever of the water you were referring to. My vision of pretty and yours seemed to differ- a beautiful let down.