Have Me As You Will, I'll Take What I Can Get

So this is me huh?

Walking the streets with a tune in my head instead of your

Name...?

Dancing to music in my car with girls that believe me when I comically play on that,

"I'm enduring with ease"

Wondering behind the facad with anticipation when will I get out of this

Skin...?

Nobody wants to lie naked in a cold room without an

Exit

But here I am with my new smiles and duties of the day that don't include

You

Wondering withdread when will I be released of this

Skin...?

It's the discomfort that rocks the body back and forth with

Disgust

Wanting to take a break from the impossible

Daydreams (that plague the mind even in its resting hours)

Reason behind this simply stated: that I made the odd mistake

of

putting a name on my imaginary man that waits for me (down my white line-

and you should never put a name to that which is so uncertain)

Who even knows what all that means I just know that the way I feel now is revolting to me. How is it possible to be so enthralled with someone (where absence brings shivers)? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm so depressed at the moment because for once since Tuesday my body is at rest. I don't have to sit down and watch the clock for my next go round...and now it's all around me. I'm all alone and misery loves company.

I'd have to say that I'm border-line genuis though for planning this weekend...and one the most unlucky human beings I've ever laid eyes on. Naturally, my Saturday lunch with an old friend was canceled by some excuse I almost didn't believe. It doesn't matter the scenario, always in the back of my mind I have that sense that it's just not going to go my way.

But by month 2 I was guessing (miscalculating I should say) that I would have had it by now.

3'S A CHARM

I talked to my sister tonight,

HER: "Oh my goodness Sarah...I've never heard your voice like that..."

('nope not even Snipper, Huard, or Hunt could make you sound like that')

::Wails...sobbs...you name it I moaned it::

HER: "Why Sarah, ('can you first put a name to what it is that your so devastated about?') you are so much stronger than this...it's YOU who turns men into the puddle you are now"

I guess she didn't get the memo...? I definatly sent her one but if I had to repeat it agian I most certainly would have to:

ME: "I can't be that person ever agian...someone enraged my heart of stone"

Hey, I give you snaps Alex for taking the Sarah Price 6 months ago and turning her into this. At least I got to feel something...even now I suppose. I can't really pragmatize this whole, "its better to have love and lost then to never love at all" <--- you can't test that because those who never loved don't know the experience and can't testify to both feelings. But still I feel different about myself now that I've been an emotional wreck. (You broke my cherry...or something?)

HER: "Maybe he's going through a phase...you guys seemed like you were happy right?"

A phase? I've heard that so many times, I've even been told to SIT THROUGH IT and WAIT because it will be over soon. I'm a skeptic on phases...I generally don't just want to leave for awhile and then later want to come back. If you want to know the truth behind phases (in regards to a relationship), it's really just a point where someone re-evaluates their relationship and wonders what their old life would do for them now? So you go get your freak on with everyone and remember that the aesthetic lifestyle's downside is DESPAIR/LONELINESS/EMPTINESS....and then but only then do you go back to that person

Happy? Happy is privation...it's not real, it's just LACK OF SADNESS. Besides I'm starting to think more that our behavior is a product of our environment anyways...he only acted that way because at the time I was the girlfriend and what do boyfriends do?

HER: "You never know...maybe he misses you too and he will realize he wants to be with you too"

Anthropic principle states that given INFINITE time...anything is possible. But first of all does it look like we have that kind of time, and second of all like I'm going to wait for a miracle that won't happen.

Miracles don't even exist...the evidence agianst them outweighs the evidence for them...

But I wouldn't argue with the missing thing...I miss people that I broke up with. I still remember that at one point they meant something to me and people shouldn't throw each other away like disposable cameras or something? He could miss me all he wanted but it wouldn't change his mind...and if he had so much of that dearness in his heart to begin with he wouldn't make it worse with termination...agreed?

(My new passion is poetic/prose philosophy... thanks Altieri!!!)

Nothing New:

*Rhonda and Jeff took my sorry ass to sushi tonight

*tomorrow we are going shopping (thank God...).

*Might try to visit my friend in the hospital tomorrow night...but what an effing drive

*The infamous "shower girls" no longer chit chat with me after our nothing short of adventure of figuring out WHO WERE THE 2 GIRLS IN THE SAME SHOWER? (and im sure my note 'AINT NO SHAME LADIES DO YOUR THANG' on their door didnt help...that was a bitchy move huh?)

*My bestest cheerleader(I heart you ReeRee) in the world has cervical cancer at age 18...PRAY FOR HER

*My prom date is getting MARRIED to his HS Sweetheart!!!!!! (WTF is this world coming to?) IM THE FLOWER GIRL...but I will settle with the ring bearer if I absolutely have to

*Currently OFF THE MARKET for the next year, according to Jeff. However I will be accepting dates at this time but there is no intimacy or committment permitted.

*And I'm sad today without you...no not you...YOU!