Let The World Around Me Fall Apart

Last night I dragged Alex to see Bridget Jones at the movie theater...obviously I liked it a lot and he said he did too but only out of courtesy for me.

I can completely relate to that Bridget Jones girl...nothing is ever right for me either. I remember I went to Prom with one of the many guys I've "fallen for" and his best friend and his date were swing dancing REALLY good. So my date was really competitve and he grabbed me apparently thinking I was GOOD at swing dancing or something, and I made an idiot of myself in front of his friends. (It's a damn good thing I didn't go to that school)

I also was completely unaware that Texas and Mexico touched eachother...like who would have thought?! It took Alex pulling up a map for me to realize but to this day I honestly cannot picture it in my head by myself unless I can see it.
(Bridget didn't know where Germany was)

I think the most amusing part would be the idea of a self conscious woman covering her naked body. If that's not me I don't know what else is. I walk around with my hands cupped over my boobs so he can't sneak a peak, and would if I could wear a skirt every time I had sex to cover all that up. I just find my body to be so...hideous. There isn't anything sexy about it, and I don't even think Alex thinks I'm sexy or attractive enough to daydream about. (atleast he never said so)

I used to feel beautiful because that was all I heard and no matter where or what time of the day- I was beautiful and sexy. I wish I still felt that way but Alex isn't so verbal, but maybe he is and he just doesn't want to lie to me.

It just seems like something out of that movie and all, wanting to be everything for somebody but there's no pretending to be someone else effectively.

But even though she's so clumsy and ungraceful (to say the least) she's so lovable. Despite making a fool of herself and looking less than her best- she finds a great guy to fall in love with her. (No it doesn't count when you don't love anyone back so scratch off those guys from the past your thinking of that loved you...) Gives me some hope that maybe, just maybe some great guy is going to come along and love me for the ridiculous person I am.

It's not like it hasn't happened before, but I never loved any of them. People used to tell me that my personality was so weird and silly that it was what drew them to me. I was the one person who spoke out loud and people were like, "what the fuck are you talking about" while laughing hysterically. I like to hear that my lack of street smarts is cute and the fact that I'm honestly intelligent is what makes me even more attractive.

My step-brother used to tell me I was weird...(still does but I think it's a term of endearment) but my bubbly personality and the need to be laughing with him was the factor that made our relationship so fun when we were together.

Never a dull moment and who would want it to be anyways? (not bridget jones)