Thankful For You

Seems as though I was lucky enough to have two Thanksgiving Dinners this year. I ate with Alex at his mom's and then today at the Lakehouse (pics posted soon) with my family. I wish Alex could have come out to the Lakehouse with me because I was very drained from the kids biting my ankles all day. Don't get me wrong I totally love them all but I like to spend time with someone my age and there was nobody.

Not only that but I thought about him a lot between all the chaos and in such a way that I don't EVER want to agian. Sometimes us girls, we can scare ourselves with the length our daydreams go to. I was having "imaginary conversations" (very nice) that naturally- did not and probably will not exist. But sometimes girls just KNOW from the first few days about a person, and for the first time in my life, I JUST KNOW. So of course I entertain myself by pretending to tell the truth about my heart and, OH MY GOSH, it's embraced and agreed with!


It's been a nice break but it isn't as though I can truly relax with all of the probing deadlines I have waiting back in Jacksonville. Gainesville is only a temporary haven when I can't stay as long as I please. However, many would be pleased to know that I shot down good times tonight to do my work. I have exams, presentations, and papers to prepare for- I can't be going off endangering my relationship with Alex anyways. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to hang out with him and his family...I wouldn't appreciate it in the slightest so why would Alex? No worries in regards to being unfaithful but I don't even want suspicion to stand a chance this time around. And where do you think that strength has come from? The recreating images from days before and the knowledge my heart gains from the sound of his voice keeps me from temptation.

And think about it, anyone who is in a relationship can say that they like their partner but how sure can you be of their credibility if they don't KNOW. How can you stand yourself to go out to a club and upon seeing many other guys/girls you realize that, you really don't know about your boyfriend/girlfriend. Believe me...it may take time but you will KNOW and that's how I would like to define my relationship in the future with the one I plan to marry. I have to KNOW right from the beginning...like i know now.

I feel really good about who I am in saying that and knowing that I can take such consideration for someone elses's feelings to avoid such confrontation with the past. I thought that maybe after all of the dating numerous people and hiding it from all of them I might find myself weak when in a monogomous relationship (atleast i hope it's monogomy on Alex's part). But I'm honestly finding myself to be the exact opposite and who would have thought!?

I talked to my cousin today and we haven't spoken much since the summer and I hear, "Hows your love life? Are you still breaking more than one heart in a day" I laughed and remembered how real that statement used to be and I proudly answered no, that I was with one person. Naturally that didn't go over seriously until the laughing and rehashing old comments from my mouth were thrown at me. But really it was true and she was happy for me too.
"It's about time I found someone worth waiting on right?"

On a different note I am absolutely AMAZED at the month of April posts. Not only was I a bitch in regards to guys and using them for my benefit...but I was incredibly stupid. Behind all of them, I was blindly thinking that the one person I really liked was faithful, caring, and what's even more ridiculous- THERE FOR ME. I'm laughing now because it usually isn't until a situation is completly over that one can efficiently analyze the facts. Those posts were biased and I was looking to believe in any sign in my favor. (It's not quality writing but it's entertaining to me to read and remember.) That's where I found the post below this one and I was so rude to be thinking that way when the person I was talking to only wanted my time and love. And all I could think of was how boring and mundane he really was.

(my deepest apologies)