I Can't Think Of Anyone At The Moment...

But give me some time and I may come up with a few people that don't want to have good communication in their relationship. Whereas I'm almost positive there are those in the world that could care less about talking of their feelings, I think it's safe to say that a good majority prefer to know where they stand.

For all I know I could be standing here in Jacksonville while he's out in Japan. And I think for the most part that's the truth. I'm sure he's relatively okay with being a boyfriend but I just don't see him thinking of me past (at max) after this year and however many months it takes for him to leave.

And I will be damned (mark my words) if I let the year 2005 come around without me knowing for sure. If I could go as far back as it took for me to not know him, and be fine without this ridiculous feeling in my heart...I just might. But then all it takes is one look at that statement compared to so much greatness and I'm already second guessing myself. I think if I could go back to the first day I would throw out some warning signs and just say what's in my heart and then if he still took me and we made it to today, he couldn't say I didn't tell him so. I might say things like,

"Well I'm interested in a serious relationship..."
TRANSLATION:
If you only want sex and no attatchments...tell me now and we can arrange something

"I'm thinking more into the future than just dating..."
TRANSLATION:
Don't bother making me fall in love with you, if you only want a short-term fling

and I saved the best for last-
"I'm really into TALKING..."
TRANSLATION:
If your not, then I guess we can skip right to it and I can go home as soon as we're finished

I just want to love someone who loves me back...is that so much to ask? I've never in my life experienced such a thing and I'll be 19 in February without the greatest pleasure of all.

Late Bloomer (I guess)...

I was HALF WAY through my 10th grade before I got my FIRST french kiss

Summer going into my Junior year before anyone ever saw my goodies

And the end of my Junior year before I was deflowered

Seems crazy in a school where all my friends had been having sex since middle school and already experienced many a times, the Big O (which I would yet to get till my senior year)

Well it wasn't until I was a freshmen in college that I fell in love

But I've yet to fill in the blank of someone I love, loving me back

Seems silly that I want it so soon (3 months into it) but I'm used to hearing the L word about a month after seeing someone (exclusively or not) and then I've heard the desires for marriage from a few, and felt the prospective rings on my finger not long after that. But who was I kidding? As I tried on those different rings I knew that it was fun to think about, and it was a great feeling in the moment- but behind all of that I knew I wouldn't end up with any of them.

Interesting how when I was deceitful, they all wanted to love me...now when I'm honest the one person I want to, doesn't tell me he loves me. (that's ok I'll keep waiting...)