Objective Uncertainty


By definition the objective uncertainty is that which makes religion and love better because you put your faith in something unknown, but you trust it with your heart. Pretend for example, your wife/husband goes on a business trip and it just so happens that her highschool sweetheart will be there. You could either hire someone to follow her around and know for sure what she/he is doing, or you could trust that person and feel better in doing so. "A love with uncertainty is a better love"

WHAT THE FUCK?

I don't believe that the objective uncertainty makes love better...I think it ruins a relationship. (But I'm not one of those "external locusts of control") I'm not saying that it ruined my personal relationship(s) however, it played the biggest role in my stress level many times.

I suppose it's more relevant to mention now that I have allowed myself to love someone and feel the "sting" (as Jeff so cleverly states it) when things don't go my way. I guess I never thought about it before because I've only been upset over guys (at max) or had my feelings hurt (at min).

But...things are different now and I think that my ideal relationship will be one without the objective uncertainty (to a certain extent). I think reassurance and a knowledge of where each person stands is probably the most necessary(not to mention something I'm used to)...

I've never had a boyfriend I couldn't control(for lack of better words). I just mean that being with Alex was a bit of a sacrifice because things weren't exactly on my terms. I'm used to passing out a contract with rules and regulations!!!

However, I've been keeping myself extremely busy but the worst part of the day seems to come when I heard, "How are you and Alex?" I want to take that person and run their cheecks along the sidewalk and reply, "About as good as your face looks"

Tuesday was the worst...I met Mike at Starbucks and poured my heart out to him while he HIT ON ME! What kind of person hits on a girl who just got her heart broken? He asked me to spend the night and take a bubble bath...and he tried to kiss me. Ugh and maybe some vulnerable girl on the verge of insanity would fall for it and allow someone to take advantage of her like that- but not me. (Mike and I are just friends who study, I just have to keep reminding him that I guess. ) I then proceeded to find comfort in a friend from home who also, reminded me that I still had a place in his heart and once I got home I would be reminded. So I tried someone else, and he too, had nothing but nastiness for me. That just makes me feel even worse to listen to another guy talk to me like that and know in my heart that that is all I have.

Woe is me...

Not only that but I haven't been able to keep a meal down since MONDAY. My roommate says that she wishes some guy would tear her apart so she could lose some weight...women and their weight issues right?! This is terrible but if I have to find something good in it all I guess I would say not eating and losing some weight. I threw up after my dinner last night and that was the first thing I tried to eat...poked around some eggs and grits this morning before throwing it away with dissatisfaction.
I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD

I think that if I do what I could do tonight, and this weekend, I would regret it and be even worse than I am now.

D also says I shouldn't jump into a relationship with my highschool munchkin because it's way too soon and I need time to myself and to get over this. My mother says I should let my emotions out and "feel the burn"-I laughed and said "Mother I'm not at the gym"
But...

TODAY IS BETTER THAN YESTERDAY AND TOMMORROW WILL BE BETTER THAN TODAY

Love is a cunt and I'll be damned if I ever do it agian