If I didn't care...I wouldn't worry or pace the ground so dust could fall on the heads of the people below.  I can't help it, if he only knew what I went through before and after him.
 
It doesn't seem like much considering he was my senior year...but I went through a lot of times where I couldn't understand WHY my boyfriend didn't want to get together with me or wouldn't answer my calls.  It was amazing to me how when I'd walk in the lunch room late he was walking towards me hastily from a certain place where he knew I'd frown upon. 
It was always that way and it wouldn't matter how nice they were I always suspected something.
 
When I first met you, I remember you called me "nato".  I still don't know what that is but I assumed it was something about defense and not putting my guard down.  It doesn't matter how much I care and how much you say and do...it will always be there.  It's always been there and I won't bring it up all the time and I don't make a point about it because of the drama it creates.  If you never would have read any of this, I wouldn't have brought it up.  I'd be smug about you not calling but I wouldn't say that I had my doubts.
 
I guess it's a different story when I care.  I've always cared but I don't understand what it is about now.  I can't find the change within me and point out for your understanding, but I know where my heart is and I know where it wasn't before.    I understand where exactly it was I went wrong and why...