Somebody please pinch me,
 
Am I fucking dreaming!?  Am I honestly crying???  Tears of SADNESS?  What in the world... am I just some fool who sits and wishes her days away?  Do I truly have it in me to look like an idiot?  Apparently I do because I am just so retarded for thinking the way that I am.  I can't do anything to get it off my mind or shake the thoughts I have.  I can't take my heart and wrench out the impurities when I see fit...
I've never been so angry at myself for wanting a call back!  I want it to be apparent on the other side that I'm caving in and dying on the inside.  But it's not gonna happen, he's not gonna care and I can sit up all night but I'll never get a call.  Never.
 
But still I cry.  Cry because I'm here and everything is there, somebody else is assisting when that was something I wanted to do and I wanted to be the person someone depended on.  Who the fuck am I?  Some stupid girl on the phone thats only good because he knows atleast I will be there sometime to sleep with him.   And apparently I'm not even good at that...
 
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