Where Did You Learn To Smile Like That?

You gotta wonder where the joy comes from at such a young age. And it's amazing to see that the little things in life are so meaningful even at the age of 3! Who would have thought that it would be possible to enjoy company or the loving touch of my mother...interesting how the mind works and how my emotional attatchments started from day 1.

Oh but they didn't stop there. Nor did I learn to let go or try to relinquish the broken bonds, instead I add more to it and cope in such a way that really isn't coping at all. Atleast I wouldn't call it dealing with a situation by writing, thinking, and reliving the past.

I'm still trying to be the other half of somebody else praying that THIS time I don't have to write a desperate love letter at the end of the relationship in a weak attempt to expose my heartbreak and sucker some poor soul into coming back to me...out of guilt too. Cause I know that trick all too well and if you want to know the truth it's an easy second chance in many cases. Hey don't quote me on that but it's worked too many times for me. As the scenario goes, he wants to move on, and usually I'm not down with that and so "Accidentally" I expose a "new" side of me that "proves" my "devotion and committment" in such a way that he feels TERRIBLE! Soon enough he's turning around, reopening the car door, or calling back to say that he's on his way over and wants to talk. Works like a charm...

Nobody should get ahead of themselves though with self confidence because every solution can easily be fucked up by the slightest mistake...that mistake being the wrong person and the wrong time. Cause I won't that the tactic above was useless for the one I wanted it to work on most. I locked him in the room, jumped on top of him, shoved his face in mine to make him see...but nothing was there.

So you see, that it's not always garunteed a second chance...

But my best advice isn't to attatch yourself to someone! When you look into his eyes, pretend your looking for an eyelash;when you hold hands, say that he's assisting in keeping assholes from hitting on you; and when you make sweet love, pretend it's a one night fuck.

Be wary and take heed now...if you don't you'll find yourself in the car tomorrow afternoon thinking softly, "I wonder what I would do if we seperated today?" And then that's it, the tears would spill rapidly over your eyelids and soon it's apparent that you can't live without that person. All it took was some fear inspiring thought to push you over the edge and now you know that your world revolves around him, and it's quite bothersome to look into the eyes of someone that might be able to live without you