One Day I'll Shove His Face In Shit

Who the fuck does he think he is? You don't do the immature things he does, even when your 22 years old. Don't fucking call me up from a number I don't know(so I will answer) telling me that you want to take your girlfriend out to the Restaruant I worked at for a year, wondering what time they close on Sunday. It's a fact that almost every restaruant closes no earlier than 8:00pm on Sundays so WHY are you asking me? 411 is a great thing...a phone book is even better.

Dammit the whole idea of his voice touching my ears just puts me in a terrible mood. I'm almost 110% positive that I'm happier than he will ever be but I don't call him from crazy numbers to tell him. I DONT CALL HIM AT ALL

I used to listen to it, let it penetrate my ears while I frowned in disapointment. I used to BELIEVE him when he labeled me and called out my entire existence with a few words (miserable slut...or something along those lines). He said I'd forever be the unmentionable, untruthful things.


Anyways...I had such a great weekend. Sunday night Alex asked me to go to the movies with his dad and step mom...so that was fun. He really loves his dad and that part of his family, that's very apparent. We saw The Forgotten...it was okay. I wouldn't go racing to see it becuase the ending wasn't well explained. It was GREAT until...until It ended.

We went back to my house to get my stuff and his laundry...and my parents absolutely love him. Rhonda had a few girlfriends over and one of them is a gourmet chef; she made lasgna with real italian cheese and garlic bread the RIGHT way. She had the most disgustingly huge ring on her finger. It was bigger than Rhonda's (and that's like 2 carots as the solitare with about one carot total surrounding it). I promise you this ring was atleast 3 and a half...it was horribly big. I would never ever wear it.

Hey guess who went DOWN TOWN on Sarah? Oh yeah...it was great. I can never actually finish from that, but it feels absolutely blissful.

I asked Alex what he wanted and got that "ew" type answer. I just want him to know that he doesn't need me for sex. He can have so many girls and leave me alone. I'm not the type of girl who can be in a relationship involving intimacy and just allow to be lead on. I can't just walk away from that after I'm thrown away.

Wonder if he'll go off like Jason did. This is what Jason used to do

S: So your still coming over this evening right?

J: Um yeah I guess I can after I go for a "ride"

S: Well how long will that be?

J: I don't know I guess you'll find out when I show up at your house. I don't want to tell you a time in case I lose track of it

What a guy


*Hey I was wondering...do you think you can base love on time? I've felt like this since day one...is that possible- for me especially? For the girl who needs nothing from nobody and seeks no help for anything?*

I talked to my father last night. Washington State sounds appealing to me these days. I asked him if I might come for Christmas (if mom's bank account permits it)....then it hit me:

Who's house? When can I see whom? How will that feel to me?

It will never be the same ever agian. I can't bare the thought of commuting to see the other half of my broken family. I have a picture in my room at home with everyone together at the dinner table for thanksgiving...I know that picture is false now. Not one, but two seperate tables do they sit at today, and pray seperate prayers having little to do with eachother. Naturally each keeps a big part within their soul forever...but it's living each day for their individuality, not unity. Doesn't that sound so wrong?