Damn...We ought to be friends

I guess help might be considered an understatement in regards to what those words meant to me; my heart. I don't have doubts of my feelings so much anymore, but don't you understand that it's too soon. I think I could tell him truthfully and haven't any problem, however the timing is all wrong. Give a little bit longer so I can figure out what goes on in that head of his.

I'm in Gainesville. Alex and I went to Dan's last night and hung out there for the night. Um, I've done shrooms back in like 11th grade but niether of them had done it and Dan had some...so they did. After much persuasion and information seeking on the internet, they finally just ate them. I don't like Alex on drugs...

He wasn't much different, but he wasn't himself. He was a little cold but he kept apologizing. And after a certain point I was so stoned (i haven't smoked since BEFORE I went away to school-atleast 4/5 months) that I just didn't care to talk to either of them. I don't remember being that fucking retarded either. Whatever, Alex hasn't done any drugs and he just wanted to try it.

Alex knew I was annoyed but when he asked I said I was fine. I could tell he felt bad when he kept asking for kisses and was holding me as we walked to the car, running his hands through my hair I could feel his bit of remorse and embarassment. He never said anything mean, it's just the way he comes off sometimes one might think he was an asshole. Unintentionally he did it, but I still told him that even with all those apologies and excuses of being messed up, it's still completely in his power the way he treats people- especially me.

I'm not gonna say I saw a different side of him, cause he does get moody, but I just felt kinda upset for a good 20 minutes till he realized his mistakes. And I hate to have bad feelings for someone I care so deeply for. He told me that he didn't like taking the shrooms at all...he felt so down and so high at the same time. Like he explained that he truly felt that I hated him and didn't want to talk to him anymore...I kinda put fuel on the fire cause I said I was going to go home and sleep at my house. Hah...the reaction on his face- to see that agian I'd pay money for. He had this face and said, "No your not are you?????" I felt bad for even saying it as a joke but EW, quit acting like a retard. I can't get mad cause he's on drugs though and a person can't exactly help themselves. So I wasn't a bitch about it at all, I just kept quietly to myself.

Anyways....I left around 9:30 unfortunatly. Me and Jeff (one of my many dads) took the Harley out for a ride to High Springs for breakfast, but we missed it cause they stopped serving breakfast so we went to Newberry instead. I like the Harley and all, but I'm just a street bike girl at heart.

I called Alex and he was still sleeping but he managed to say that he wanted me to go to his Mommy's house for his Grandmother's "chicken pastries". Oh my gosh that sounds horrible does it not? Me and his grandmother had like a 30 minute conversation last night...the woman is 87 years old so it was an INTERESTING conversation, but none the less I think I'm in as far as she goes. Parents always love me cause I'm so talkative and friendly. Nobody wants a girl/boy to be silent when they first meet. I think I learned that with Gavin's parents. I was really struggeling at being outgoing but after awhile it came pretty natural. And when I realized that his parents were in love with me and wanted me to take their family name...It was all down hill from there.

So we shall see tonight because every time I have been to his mother's house it was breifly and conversation was constant but it was quick. So this time we'll be there for like an hour or so (joy)...and then he comes to MY house. Jeff has his shot gun shined ready to give Alex the 3rd degree. He's kidding and his tough dad gimmick is just an act to scare the boys.

Ok, back to some more homework and getting ready.

THANKYOU SO MUCH....I not only enjoyed reading what you wrote but it means a lot. So your coming to North Florida when you graduate right? I'll take you to all the Frat parties (my roommates a Kappa Delta so we are in!) and you can break some hearts in Florida...YEA-UH