Ummm...I had an interesting conversation last night with one of Alex's friends. I didn't know that I had previously met him before so it was kinda cool. But he was giving me the 411 on Alex and how he talks about me all the time. At first I didn't really think he was telling the truth and then he's like, "So you wanted a 20 ounce steak this morning huh?" I laughed cause it was 9:30am and I was saying to Alex how great Outback Steakhouse would be...
So I believed he was being for real and he told me stuff like how Alex gives up things to simply spend the night with me and how he's such a great guy and I'm so lucky. He was very nice so I took it upon myself to make him and my roommate Danielle talk on the phone. So I hope they start talking and we can all be bestest friends!

So...college life. It seems that I left out so much great stuff that happened because I wanted to conceal my "fun". First thing I have to say reluctantly say is I can't be a cheerleader here. I made it, I practiced, but I couldn't do it. I can't stunt with this arm and this stupid back. I feel like a douche bag for even trying, but now I just have to get better and kick some ass in the spring. I'm so pissed though...

Um ok, first off think about high school. I was the shit and everyone knew me, I had no problem with being a dork because everyone knew me and accepted me as well as LIKED me. I was known and I was definatly somebody. Here...? I have to make a name for myself, I have to put effort into making who I am ALL OVER AGIAN. Sucks royally.

I don't want to get into the whole dating thing cause it just looks like I'm promiscious...so I'm gonna leave it out unless otherwise requested and leave it at this:

I'm becoming more aware of reality (for lack of better words). For me it was always a challenge to get someone, and when it was done I was done. Once I had that guy or that certain image I wanted from him, I wanted someone else. But now It's quite different and I can honestly say that I know myself a little bit more to understand the difference between temptation and infatuation, even wishes from PURE TRUTH and love. It's an interesting understanding and extremely different. I'm the most emotional person in the aspect of it all...I don't get WHY or HOW. Every time(I know I know I've said this before) I think about him and think about what I want, I tear up. I get this feeling of emotion and almost sadness when I think about it. Just because it seems like I can't ever be that happy as I wish to be. But I definatly acknowledge that this is real and this is a learning experience in love. I know what it means to look at someone and see the aging process as a gift and see an image of the least simplistic life possible, and be satisfied. And look how long it took me...not even 30 days to recognize what I want in life and where I want to be. Whether it's Alex or not, he has shown me exactly what it's supposed to be like and he will always stand as the model of the perfection I've always tried to find.
ok so im done upsetting myself for today...