Not sleeping well but I'm almost positive it's a definate product of a certain inconsistancy...

I'm at a loss for words in regards to it and when I attempt to talk about it, I'm either shut down or all I feel is, "I don't know"

Most of the girls I talk to are in Sororities....not me. I almost feel left out. There are huge tents out for all the fraternities to sign up and theres just music and people playing football so ofcourse all the girls that are now in the sororities are wearing their shirts to make themselves known. Danielle and I were hanging out and talking to people in the courtyard and on the green, but I didn't have a shirt. I was like the only one without a shirt that proudly announces to the school which sororitie I belong to. Dammit...
it's stupid I know, but why do you think I joined the swim team? Or was a cheerleader? It's exclusive, not everyone can do it, and the recognition is insatiable. So I've found a better alternative to the typical stereo type...

I'm joining a christian sorority. Well....so they say they are christian. I hope it's not some weak attempt to look as though they have morals and goodness ranging farther than sharing a prospective guy or helping a drunk person off the floor. I'd like to have some long lasting benefits in this type of thing.

I finally got in touch with my friends from summer. Hung out for a little bit in their room tonight and decided agianst the Divas thing only because of the load of work I've got. They were going to go after they got done but it wasn't very likely. I wanted to go, just to do something fun. I don't want to sit in this BOX but regardless of that I am alone with my perplexing philosophy. Went to see my professor today (he's crazy) and tried to have some light shown on all this vague bull shit...though judging from the terms in which I speak, it definatly didn't help as I would have liked it to.

I'm trying so hard to make this the best that it can be. I've become a firm believer that college is something along the lines of, 'what you put in is what you get out of it'. I'm doing all I can but there is always that huge little distraction that reminds me I can't be happy until yeilding at the mercy of those monstrous words. It's so hard, and I feel like I'm so weak and so...so nothing.
Literally nothing. Humble is the best word I can find for it....and it's completely obvious scribbled all over my face and tuned into my voice. I'm nothing and I know it