Woo hoo! He finally talked to me which took since orientation to do. My heart fell to my toes, not cause I want to care but simply from his gorgous face and body. There isn't anything more I'd love to go to sleep with every night than that. But let's be realistic...I don't want someone like him.

After Tommy spent the night on Sunday he got really weirded out. He spoke emotionally almost crying because he's so scared and how it felt too right. I suppose I will just show him there is nothing to be scared of...but it's me who will have the rough end of the stick I can already tell. I care a lot though so I suppose it's worth it.

Needless to say, after last night the new hot spot for me and the girls is DEFINATLY Mans Venus! I've never had so much fun with people laughing at me cause of how bashful I was. After the first girl shoved her head down between my legs to get the dollar I loosened up and started to put the money in my mouth to get a mouthful of big boobs! It was different for me and hilarious for all the guys to see ME, of all people doing such a thing. I think I felt like 7 pairs of boobs last night and I definatly got more kisses than our guy friends...ha. When you got it ya got it right?
I only spent like 10 bucks with the cover charge and tips cause Joe and Scott kept handing out the bills to the girls so it was them who spent 60 dollars not us. It was great sober, bonding time for me Tiff and Maria. It was fun being the only girls cause we got all the attention out of the 20 guys we went with.

Anyways...now it's time to live my life alone I guess. Things will be different and I can't necessarily say thats a good thing. To be honest I look like the bitch here, but that's not how it was supposed to happen. Quite frankly I didn't want to cause conflict so I decided on a "No" and ended up going out. So it made me look as though I planned it but I really did not and nothing I say can change it. But I did nothing to deserve to be treated that way and spoken to in such a manner...I've done no wrong besides not hold love for another. What can I do? Maybe it will be better this way? I don't know though. Maria is in the same position as me. Jose isn't even her boyfriend and he was trying to make her feel bad about going out with us so she said she wasn't going to go. I had a huge talk with her and related to her on so many levels with Jer and after our conversation she went and had a great time. It's not worth a guy ruining your fun and it took me a long time and many missed fun times to realize that.

Never agian will I let a guy tell me what to do or make me feel bad about having fun. If I had a boyfriend last night and I went out, I would have been doing no wrong besides having a good time without him. Is that so wrong? I guess in some people's eyes it is when things don't go according to plans. Jer over exaggerates and makes something enlarged 20 times to where you have to laugh at nothing. Always something dramatic, always something to think about...who wants that? I just want to hang out and let it end there at the end of the word. I used to feel that way about Jay though, I wouldn't want to come over because my heart was involved but after so long I just learned to love the times we had and not think ahead of myself. That's how you don't get hurt. Sex was just sex with him after so long, and us making late night trips for eachother was simple only a late night trip. Not because he cared enough to drive far, just because he wanted to.