He never missed a night to call me while he was away. I could count on his specified ring to soothe my ears every night after 7:00pm and hear the voice I needed for a sense of completeness. I knew the day he was coming back; Wednesday afternoon to be precise but when Friday afternoon rolled around I assumed he wasn't gonna call even though he was 10 minutes away. I was expected to be let down like I had a few times in the past, and I had been prepping myself up for it since Wednesday morning. I started by reminding myself of the 3 day trip to hell; compliments of him, and the one promise made that was broken on more than one occasion. It made me feel better to remember the careless asshole he was to me several times. But I couldn't deny the way things changed when we split, I couldn't erase the nights on end of talking, kissing, and romanticing, even when everyone thought us to be done. His roomates would go to sleep with a sense of knowledge and awake with confusion to find me sitting at the counter watching Jay make breakfast. I relished in the fact that Jess would try and bust his ass and tell me the days he stayed out all night or that he was talking to a girl on the phone for this amount of time; I only smiled every time cause I'd think back and realize that I was his alibi. Not one day that she reported was there a mystery as to where he was or who he was talking to, it made me feel good to have his devotion far more than I did when we were together. So naturally I just laughed at my doubt when I saw his missed call on my phone and closed the door on my anxiety when I heard his enthusiastic voicemail. I don't know how things will be when I see him agian...? Taking my feelings into consideration when contemplating what to say and how to act, helps literally none at all. C'mon Sarah Jane! This is Jay, why are you lost in confusion every time you hear his voice, see his face, and speak his name? Why be so emotional...

*"I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain..."